I'm Sorry...(Yet Again)

I have been working with God on the problem of pride lately. This is sort of an ongoing struggle for me. I think its probably a common sin to get wrapped up in. But I don't want anything at all to do with it. So I try to keep a close eye out for ways pride might be creeping in to my life. I can claim some victory here, things are much better than they used to be. But still, some sins are just a life long struggle, and pride just might be one of my ongoing construction zones.

I had a victory this morning! Its a small thing really, but its the small things that lead to bigger things, so I'm going to celebrate where I can.

It all started about 5 or 6 weeks ago. I was at the grocery store, pushing a cart full of groceries, with two wiggly kids, heading for the checkout isle. I also happened to be in the midst of a horrendous sinus infection. So I was kinda primed to act not-so-nice. That is when it happened.

I was about one cart length from the end of the checkout line, clearly about to enter it. A woman with an equally full grocery cart approached appearing as though she needed to pass through the line and keep going. I politely backed my cart up and gave a little wave of my hand to indicate that she could cut through before I officially got in line.

To my great dismay, instead of cutting through and passing by, she stole my place in line! I couldn't believe it! I still can't decide if she was taking advantage of me or if she really thought that a hunched over woman, with two highly active kiddos, a cart full of groceries, and tissues in both hands really intended for a relaxed, well-dressed, no children luggin' woman to just go on ahead. Anyway, being the restrained southern belle that I am, I seethed and thought ugly thoughts at her instead of saying anything.

Naturally, by the time I got to the front of the line, it was time for the cashier to end her shift. So I had to stand there another several minutes waiting for the drawer to be switched out. The very friendly and polite check out woman gave me a big smile and said, "It'll just take a minute, I'll be right with you."

I scowled at her. Then I let out a big exasperated sigh to make sure she understood how displeased I was with this whole scenario. She got my drift. Her smile disappeared, she started moving very quickly, and she didn't say another word to me. The equally cheery bag boy gave me a big grin and said, "How are you this morning? Do you want paper of plastic?"

"Paper," I whisper-shouted, because I was pretty sick, remember.

"You sound terrible," he helpfully added.

I just glared and him and decided I had said enough. We walked tersely to the car and I drove away in a grumpy funk.

I hope I don't have to tell you that I felt bad about it, almost as soon as I got home. It has bothered me ever since. I hate it when people are rude to customer service employees. I've worked in those types of jobs several times, and I know the abuse that gets heaped on them. I didn't want to be one of those rude, angry customers.

But every week, when I have seen that same woman working in the check out line, I have deliberately gone through another aisle. I was afraid she would remember me as that mean, loudly-sighing woman. And I was too proud to apologize for my rudeness.

Until today. As I have been praying about keeping my pride in check and cultivating a humble heart, God kept pricking my conscience about that grocery store incident. It was a sort of, "how can you ask me to use you in mighty ways and root out the pride in your heart when you are too stubborn to even apologize to a stranger, much less someone who is close to you?"

So I decided to offer her an apology. I prayed that she would be working this morning. There she was when I walked in the door. As I wove through the grocery isles, I kept checking to make sure she was still there. She was. As I finished getting everything on my grocery list and headed to check out, I was all primed and pumped up to give her an apology. But suddenly, she walked away from her register!

Confused, I made a hard right back into the frozen food section and looked at some truly disgusting frozen stuffed mushrooms for a few moments. After reading the ingredients and turning the mushroom box around a few times, the cashier came back to her line. Whew!

As she was scanning my items, I did it. I offered her an apology. She seemed confused at first, but eventually she understood what I was saying. Of course she couldn't remember the incident, I really didn't expect her to. She said she always figures someone is just having a bad day when they act ugly. But she smiled and thanked me for apologizing. I had shared with her that I was sick that particular day.

Right before I walked off, she asked, "Are you feeling better now?"

"Oh, yes," I answered. In more ways than one.

Proverbs 29:23

"A man's pride brings him low,
but a man of lowly spirit gains honor."