Being A Friend

There are no deep insights into Scripture in this post. Just something that I need to get off my chest.

If you are a woman, you more than likely enjoy having friends. In fact, I think it is pretty safe to say that most ordinary women find friendship to be quite necessary, and will suffer if they find themselves lonely and isolated.

Christian women should never find themselves isolated and lonely. If they do, then the church is failing. Christian women should be the most welcoming, friendly, hospitable, outward reaching women in the community. We should be getting together and sharing deep, unusual friendships with each other so often that all of our non-Christian friends are jealous.

Unfortunately, I think the scenario I described above is rare. Perhaps you find yourself surrounded by a wonderful community of Christian sisters. Praise the Lord if that is the case. You may not realize how blessed you are.

I happen to live in a smallish town in the Bible Belt of America. There are literally churches on almost every corner in the town I live in. You would think that a young Christian woman moving here would find no lack of young Christian women eager to reach out and fold her into fellowship with them. But over and over again I hear differently. I hear of women who go to church and nobody asks them what their name is. I hear of women who have lived here for a year, all the while going to church, and have yet to be invited over to share a meal in another church member's home.

Shame on us.

I am forced to imagine that women who have lived in the same town for their entire life, and are surrounded by the friends they grew up with, have no idea what it feels like to need a friend. They have no idea what it means to be new in town and to feel lost and lonely, to go to church hoping to find friendships and companionship and leave every week feeling dejected and rejected. To listen to the women around them in Sunday School talk about parties and dinners together and wonder why nobody thought to include the new girl.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

Christian woman, let me tell you something. You might be the one who needs to extend yourself and reach out to that new face in town. It is going to cost you something. It is going to cost time and effort and emotional energy. You are going to have to risk being rejected. You are going to have to give up time with the people you already know and love, or perhaps put up with having an unfamiliar personality at your next gathering. It is going to cost you. But you MUST be willing to pay the price. It is an affront to the idea of Christian hospitality for you to leave people out and ignore them.

Or, you might be that new person in town who wonders why the Christians around you aren't acting like they ought. You, too, are going to have to reach out. It is almost certainly going to cost you something. You might very well be rejected by women who don't even understand how callous and uncaring they are being. You are going to have to feel your way through unfamiliar group dynamics and go to the effort of getting to know someone new. But you need other Christian women in your life, and the other women might not realize it yet, but they will be enriched by you too.

The town I live in happens to be the home of an Air Force base. And I've had the privilege of meeting and loving several women who are Air Force wives over the years. It is a story that always has a bitter sweet ending. All of them move away eventually and leave me with a little hole in my heart. But I am richer and wiser and fuller for having taken the time to develop friendships with them. And more than once they have expressed to me how glad they are that a 'local' woman was willing to take the risk of loving them. Because all too often, it doesn't happen.

That is a shame and a pity.

I think all of us women are tempted to sit at home and wonder why nobody calls us up and asks us to do something. It is easy to be lonely and feel sorry for yourself and how 'left out' you are. There is an simple solution to that kind of problem. Quit wishing for friends. Instead, be a friend. Be willing to make that phone call and extend the invitation. Be willing to let people into your home and show them that you might not be perfect. Take the chance, risk the rejection, and push the envelope. Be a friend. Because someone out there is feeling just as isolated and lonely as you are.

And that should never happen to a Christian woman.

Is It Wrong to Have Church Lust?

My husband and I ran away from home last weekend. It was a last minute trip that we hadn't planned on making. But when the opportunity to get away presented itself, it didn't take us long to decide where we should go--Savannah, Georgia.

Savannah is well known for many things. There is that Paula Dean woman who likes lots of fatty ingredients in her decadent, down-home cooking. There is River Street and the St. Patrick's Day festivities. Lots of parks and squares and a phenomenal historic district round out the picture. (Along with a peculiar trait of Savannah, namely that it is its own universe unto itself, and if you don't happen to belong to its universe, then you, quite frankly, don't matter all that much.)

But what you might not happen to know about Savannah, Georgia, is that it is home to one of the most amazing churches, EVER. It is not one of those churches that finds itself front and center on the national stage; there are no super-star pastors, no trend setting programs or mega facilities. Instead, what you will find is an historic, elegantly beautiful sanctuary, filled with a vibrant, multi-generational congregation, a high view of corporate worship, and solid, expository preaching.

I mean, we sang a Psalm. And the choir sang a Psalm. We sang the Gloria Patri, said the Lord's Prayer and the Apostle's Creed. And the sermon was from the book of Jude. When is the last time you heard a young pastor preach through the text of Jude, one of the more difficult books in the New Testament?

The Sunday School lesson was just as sound. An actual teacher stood up and actually taught from the Biblical text. The (full) class had an intelligent, deep discussion about the text. Interesting questions were raised from class members who obviously had a grasp of the contents of the Bible. It was, quite simply, astounding.

And the surprising thing was this--the congregation at this very large, very traditional, very historic church was as friendly as you can possibly imagine. We were greeted and spoken to every time we turned around. Sadly, not all churches are so welcoming of strangers. I've heard stories of people who were asked to move because they were "sitting in someones pew." Can you imagine?

I think that I am in love. Seriously, if someone from Savannah offered my husband a job, I would start packing and stick a "For Sale" sign out in our front yard. It was that good.

Independent Presbyterian Church. Savannah, Georgia. Is it wrong to lust after thee?

On Tennis and Assembling

So, I had my first tennis lesson today. I've been playing for about a year now, and doing a semi-decent job of it. But I decided it was high time that I get the input of a real professional. For one thing, my forehand just plain stinks. I can hit a backhand all day, but give me a forehand, and I can only hit the ball decently about half the time.

The lesson was good, by the way. Almost immediately, the instructor told me two pretty vital things that I had no idea I was doing wrong. Really simple things, too, like keep your eye on the ball until you have hit it (duh!). But I have always looked at my opponent when I hit the ball. I expect to be playing at a professional level now that I have that problem fixed. OK, just kidding.

But I'll tell you what it made me think of, after I stopped feeling idiotic for making such a simple error. We all have things to learn from others. Not a single one of us has got this Christianity thing down so well that we can go solo from now on. I absolutely LOVE to spend time around women who are more mature in their faith than I am. One woman in particular always makes me wish I could just stand next to her and absorb her great wisdom and gentleness through osmosis. It doesn't work that way, unfortunately, but if it did, she is the one I'd be pushing people out of the way to stand next to. (See, I really can use some extra gentleness!)

There have been some people I've come across here and there who advocate leaving church altogether and just going it alone with God. I have such a hard time understanding how that could benefit anyone.

I know, I know, churches are far from perfect. They are full of sinners, and people who rub you the wrong way. There are all of those generational differences to overcome, and some people have some rather "interesting" views that are naturally a hairbreadth away from being heresy, in your humble opinion. And, of course, everyone knows that churches are full of hypocrites, and who wants to associate themselves with those sorts?

But the Bible speaks specifically to being part of a body of believers in Hebrews 10: 24-25:

" And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. " (emphasis mine)

You will notice something from that verse. The assembling together that is commanded is just as much for the benefit of "one another" as it is for each of us individually. We have each been gifted differently. We need each other because God has given us gifts that are to be used for the service of the body. Not just for our own selfish benefit.

Maybe you are a super-intelligent theological genius and all those unintelligent, theologically illiterate churchgoers get on your nerves. Well, maybe they have a thing or two to teach you about serving through love. Perhaps you are a humble servant who gets frustrated that nobody else wants to lend a helping hand and you end up with all of the grunt work. It could be that you need to be inspired to rest in the beauty of God's perfect grace. Whatever the case may be, we need each other.

Romans 12:4-6

"For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them:"

I know some of you who read this blog, and I know that you are super involved in your church. But I certainly don't know everyone who stumbles by here. So if you happen to read this, and you aren't a member of a church, by all means find one and get involved. I can promise you one thing. You won't find a church that is perfect. And even if you did, chances are that you would ruin it the moment you walked in the door. So, give grace where grace is needed, but don't alienate yourself from God's established means of ministering to the saints: church.