Gluttons

I realize that the name of this post is somewhat ironic, considering that I am writing this the day after Thanksgiving. And I'll be the first to confess that I made a glutton of myself yesterday at Thanksgiving dinner--and enjoyed it a great deal!

But I am not thinking of gluttony as it relates to food for the purposes of this post. I am thinking in a much broader sense about our consumer culture and our insatiable quest for more, more, more. There is just no end to it: more clothes, bigger houses, fancier cars, better food, exciting vacations, upscale name brands, electronic gadgets, stylish haircuts, youthful skin, whiter teeth...

The list is endless. And every time I turn around, my lust for more is being fueled by the monolithic and pervasive god of marketing. Before I even have the chance to figure out that I am backward, unattractive and uncouth, the sly marketer has whispered it in my ear, all the while patting me on the back and offering to solve my woes for a small price. Or sometimes, for a very large price. But make no mistake. His solution is temporary. And he knows that no matter what the initial dose cost, I am likely to return again and again, seeking to be made cutting-edge, beautiful and elegant all over again.

Like I said, there is just no end to it.

Today, I read a scathing commentary on the greed that is so pervasive in our American culture. And I was cut to the bone by the truth of it. The commentary was part of an email devotional series that I subscribe to. As soon as I finished reading it, I glanced at the rest of the email waiting in my inbox. At least a dozen of them promised great deals and "secret" sales on things that I quite frankly don't need. The juxtaposition of the two got my attention.

Now, don't get me wrong here. Wealth is not evil. Money and things and even luxury are not bad in and of themselves. But they are not necessarily good either. Jesus said it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. (Mark 10:25) He also said that you cannot serve both God and riches. (Matthew 6:24) You will end up serving one and despising the other.

With the Christmas season and all of its excesses fast approaching, it's a good time to stop and think about who you are serving. Is it really God? Or is it a bunch of glittery junk that is worthless in the end?

Proverbs 30:8

"Remove falsehood and lies far from me; Give me neither poverty nor riches--Feed me with the food allotted to me; Lest I be full and deny You and say, "Who is the LORD?" Or lest I be poor and steal, And profane the name of my God."

Against You, You Only, Have I Sinned

I've been in a weird place the last few weeks. You can see that my blog posts have been less than frequent lately. And I can't seem to get anything significant done on the Ruth study I am working on. I had a big breakthrough in that area a few weeks ago, and it was thrilling: I finished the first speaking session and discussion outline. But since then, nothing. I literally feel a deep resistance to working on it any further. I keep writing outlines in my head, and thinking of scripture that would be good to bring into the discussion, but I can't make myself sit down and write anything.

Last night I prayed for some clarity, and I think I got some this morning. I read Psalm 51, David's prayer of repentance after he was confronted by the prophet Nathan over his affair with Bathsheba. I was struck by David's astounding statement in Psalm 51:4,

"Against You, You only, have I sinned,
And done this evil in your sight--"

How is it possible that David can qualify his sin as being only against God? Um, what about poor Uriah? Or Bathsheba for that matter? Or David's many other wives whom he dishonored by committing adultery with Bathsheba? How about the entire nation of Israel? Didn't they get cheated by a king who acted so deceitfully and treacherously?

Yet despite all of that, it is God (only!) who David says he sinned against. Have you ever really thought about that and its implications? We think about sinning against other people all the time; gossiping or lying or cheating or stealing from someone. Or even just treating people disrespectfully or without love. Aren't all of those things sins? Aren't they sins against our neighbor? I've always assumed that they were. But the longer I think about it, the more convinced I am that David's words in Psalm 51:4 are more profound than I originally gave them credit for.

God is the one to whom we owe obedience. Every time we sin against our fellow man, we are ultimately sinning against the commands of a holy and righteous God. Our neighbor may get caught in the crossfire of our sinful actions. But come judgement day, it is not our sinned-against-neighbor who will sit in jugement of our actions. It is God. And all of our sin will be counted as offenses against His holiness and His commands.

Which brings me back around to the spiritual slump I find myself in. I've tried to think of all the reasons that I find myself in this situation. I could lay the blame on any number of things, and believe me, I've tried. But this morning, as I was reading Psalm 51, I saw something very clearly. If there is anything to blame for this thickness I am struggling to cut through, it is my sin, specifically, my sin against God.

I can't blame it on this, that or the other. I have to look straight inside at my own heart. It is a disheartening prospect (slight pun slightly intended.) I've been on the spiritual high. I've been to the peak. I've been dedicated and motivated and everything you associate with a woman who is "on fire" for God. But I don't think any of us get to stay there forever. We have, and will always have, too much natural sin remaining in us in this present flesh. There is no final escape from it until we leave this life for the better life that comes next.

Not to say that I won't get back to the peak. In fact, I'm determined to push past my natural inclinations and get back up there again. But it's hard. I have to fight myself in the process.

I don't want to stand out as strange. I don't want people to think of me as bizarre. I don't want women to walk the other way when they see me coming, because I might want to talk about something spiritual. I don't want to be constantly vigilant against pride or anger or idols or apathy creeping up on me. I'd rather just float through life, enjoying the luxurious and self-absorbed modern American lifestyle, and worry about eternity, well, right before I get there. Those are the things that I want.

Thank goodness its not all up to me. Thank goodness that God has sent me a Helper, the Holy Spirit, who lives in me and constantly transforms me from glory unto glory.

But the path to the peak has a crucial first step that you can't hop over if you ever want to get up there. Its the all-important step of repentance. And if I want to get past stalled and start moving forward again, I need to get on my face and repent.

Against You, You only, have I sinned, O God. Against you have I withheld my heart, my mind, my soul and my strength. Forgive me.

Psalm 51:1,2,12

"Have mercy upon me, O God,
According to Your lovingkindness;
According to the multitude of your tender mercies,
Blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
And cleanse me from my sin."

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit."

Neither Poverty Nor Riches

Proverbs 30: 8-9

"Give me neither poverty nor riches--
Feed me with the food allotted to me;
Lest I be full and deny You,
And say, "Who is the LORD?"
Or lest I be poor and steal,
And profane the name of my God.

You should see the obvious application of this verse. It is good to have just enough; having too much is just as problematic as having too little. We all get that right?

Sometimes I think it is hard for us to see the evil associated with having too much. And if there was ever a culture that was drowning itself in too much, it is certainly us. I can't think of any other culture throughout the history of time as affluent as modern America is. I don't mean to imply that every one of us is rich by our own cultural standards. But the vast majority of Americans are terribly wealthy when compared to most of humanity throughout time.

We all have enough to eat. (Or, if we don't, there are dozens of agencies that will feed us.) Most of us live in comfortable, safe, modern homes with indoor plumbing (I hope!) and more than one bedroom. We have kitchens and refrigerators and microwaves. Our closets have more than two or three changes of clothes in them. You get my point. If you have never lived or traveled outside of the US, particularly to an impoverished part of the world, you might not understand this fully. If that is the case, just take my word for it.

The problem with wealth, as I see it, is two fold. First, it makes us think that we are doing just fine on our own. When you don't really need anything, it's hard to feel like you desperately need God. Plus, wealth gives us a false sense of security. Instead of depending on God as our refuge and fortress, our rock and high tower, we think about our finances as a means of protection.

Second, material wealth, and the pursuit of it, is a big fat distraction. I know because I spent so many years of my life longing for it, instead of for God. I've said this before, but it bears repeating. God showed me what a dissatisfied person I was in an interesting way. He pretty much allowed me to obtain every material thing I ever lusted after at a fairly young age. Now, don't go thinking wild on me here. I never did aspire too high, so getting there was not some kind of "rags to riches" drama.

But after I got to the point of relative financial security, I still had this consuming feeling that I was missing out on something. It was God that I was missing out on. I see so clearly now that no material thing would have been enough to satisfy me if I had not made God my soul's desire. Several years AFTER seeing that and understanding it, I went on a very nice vacation with my husband to New York City.

While I was there, an interesting thing happened. I got caught up in it. It being that feeling that I just had to have a certain kind of clothing, or shoes, or whatever. That somehow if I bought those things, I would be satisfied. And not only satisfied, but someone to be envied. I'm almost embarrassed to even admit this, but it happened all right. Marc Jacobs shoes. That is what made me see sense again. Those suckers cost an obscene amount of money. And I bought a pair. They were, of course, DEEPLY (I mean deep, deep, deeply) discounted, but still expensive.

What happened next is the crazy part. I wore those ridiculously overpriced shoes, and instead of feeling proud of them, I felt very self conscious. "Will people know I bought these on sale? Are these LAST SEASON'S SHOES????" Never did a stupider stupid thought cross my mind. It was at that point that I realized there was no end to the quest for satisfaction in things like clothing and shoes. So I made a deliberate decision to just check out of that rat race. I spent 3 month buying clothes off of the Target clearance rack, too.

I tell you that story to illustrate just how alluring material wealth, or the pursuit of it, can be. Even to those of us who know better. Maybe you are better than I am in this area. But we all have our potential disaster zones, things that have the potential to put us in a death grip of sin. So nowadays, when I start getting excited about a new pair of earrings (thanks for those, honey, by the way) I take a step back and remember that they are just earrings, they don't make me anything other than what I am, and they will never have the power to satisfy me.

Ecclesiastes 5: 10

"He who loves silver will not be satisfied with silver;
Nor he who loves abundance, with increase.
This also is vanity."

Isaiah 58:14

"Then you shall delight yourself in the LORD;
And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth,
And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father.
The mouth of the LORD has spoken."

It Shall Not Come Near You

Psalm 91:7

"A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you."

This verse immediately sprung to mind a few weeks ago while I was watching the movie Letters From Iwo Jima with my Dad. Normally, I avoid war movies like the plague, but I love my Dad, and I will usually watch whatever he is watching. I was visiting my parents with the kids, and he said it was a good movie, which it was, but much, much, much too gory and tragic for my usual taste.

There are a few scenes in which soldiers must run across open areas that are being riddled with bullets and explosives. Most of them never get to the other side, but are struck and killed as they attempt to make the crossing. Really, with all of those bullets flying around, it's almost impossible to imagine that any of them would make it across. The scenes were very similar to that scene at the beginning of the movie Saving Private Ryan. Again, a movie I did not particularly want to watch, but this time it was my husband who did.

Look at that verse at the beginning again, "it shall not come near you." What exactly is it that won't come near us? In verses 3-6 it is described this way:

"Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday."

According to those trusty footnotes in my Bible, this Psalm was probably written to describe the realities of life for a soldier at war, who would be in fear of literal arrows and pestilence that might sweep through the camp. But most of us are not in a literal, physical war. We are however, faced with a very real war every day of our lives. A spiritual war.

We are constantly surrounded by arrows and threats of destruction and pestilence. Some of the wars we deal with might seem quite harmless on the surface. That television show that glorifies adultery. That magazine that worships beauty. The music that romanticizes things we should view as evil and corrupt. There are also the threats that we know are dangerous, the kind of thing that catches us off guard and threatens our safety and well being. An unexpected attack of some kind, a loss of job, an illness, the threat of financial ruin. You get the idea.

All of those arrows carry the threat of danger to our spiritual well-being, and in some cases our physical well-being. They are very real.

I Peter 5:8

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."

But again, back to my original question. What does the scripture mean when it says that "it will not come near you?" This is just my opinion, but I think that scripture taken as a whole bears me out. It does NOT mean that bad things won't happen to you. I know there are people who believe that and even preach that. But, don't they live in the same world that I do? Don't they see very real tragedy and pain in the lives of people around them? Don't they read verses like James 1:2, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,?" What about verses like 1 Peter 4:12, "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;?"

So, I don't think that "it shall not come near you" means we will have a pain and trial-free life. But there are some things that it does mean. In the midst of our spiritual warfare, we are assured of very real help and comfort. God is described as a refuge and fortress in verses 2 and 9. We are told that He will be with us, deliver us and honor us in verse 15. In verse 11 we are told that He will give His angels charge over us, that these angels will keep us and bear us up. All of it is a very descriptive way of saying: We are not alone! God goes with us! He will take care of us! We do not need to be afraid!

The very best of all these victorious promises comes in the last verse, verse 16:

"With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation."

The greatest hope of all, eternal salvation. I believe that is ultimately what is meant when verse 7 says, "it shall not come near you." Eternal death and destruction will not come near us. It won't even get close.

So picture with me that battlefield full of flying bullets and bombs. In a sense, our lives are like a dash across that open field so full of peril. There are trials to endure, temptations to avoid, and even a roaring lion stalking about. (Interestingly, in verse 13, we are told that we will tread upon and trample underfoot the lion. How cool is that little tidbit?) But we can walk through it all with a head held high and a confident stride. We have no doubt about getting safely to the other side. We know that despite the dangers, it will not come near to us who have known the name of the LORD.

Even when the fighting is fierce, when the shrapnel is flying and bullets seem to be grazing our ears, we have the shield of God's truth. We know truth! We do not need to be vulnerable to lies about God, that He doesn't love us, that He won't take care of us, that He will let us slip away from Him in the heat of battle. No, the truth is that we are tucked up under the downy feathers of His all-powerful wing. (verse 4)

Psalm 91:2

"I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.""

Psalm 73

In case you can't tell from my recent posts, I have been reading through the Psalms. Some of them are so relevant and applicable to my life, and to our culture in general, that I am left in awe of how true it is that God's word is living and active. (Hebrews 4:12)

I have literally underlined almost the entire 73rd Psalm in my Bible, with notes like "Wow!" and "our culture to a T" written out in the margin. The Psalm is written by a man who has struggled with how unfair life seems. He sees wicked people prosper, living lives of ease and richness, oppressing those around them, and seeming to get away with all of it.

Here is how he describes these wicked, but prosperous people:

Psalm 73:4-9

"They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
they are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth."

Yikes! These people are: prideful, violent, callous, full of iniquity, evil, conceited, scoffers, speakers of malice, arrogant, oppressive and boastful. And what reward do they receive for living such lives? Pretty ample reward it would seem. They have no problems, they are healthy and strong, free of burdens and human ills. That hardly seems fair does it?

I see people who fit this description almost every day of my life. If not in person, there are plenty of them on TV. Gorgeous, gifted, wealthy, selfish people. People who seem to have everything, and deserve none of it. I, like the Psalmist, used to really get hung up on what seemed to be totally unfair.

Here is how he describes the contrast in verses 12-14

"This is what the wicked are like--
always carefree, they increase in wealth.

Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning."

There you have it. The wicked seem to get everything, those who are innocent and pure in heart only get a raw deal. The Psalmist didn't like this contrast much either, in fact, he tells us in verse 2 that it almost caused him to slip and lose his foothold. In other words, lose faith in God.

Ahh, but then a change takes place. Our Psalmist does a very wise thing. Instead of relying on his own sense of right and wrong, he seeks to understand the situation from God's point of view. I love the way it is described in verses 16-17:

"When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny."

He enters the sanctuary of God, and then he understands what the real outcome for the seemingly prosperous wicked will be. He goes on to describe it in verses 18-20, and believe me, it is not a pretty picture. You certainly would not be envious of these people anymore.

So what does this mean for me, and for you? Are we supposed to take some kind of sick pleasure in knowing that wicked people will eventually "get what's coming to them?" Hardly. The idea of anyone perishing should never cause us to gloat. It should cause us to feel exactly the opposite, grieved and stricken at what awaits them. But that can be hard to do if you look at them through the eyes of this world.

Instead, try to see them as they really are. Not rich and healthy and beautiful, but impoverished and barren and doomed to destruction. The sexy blond driving a convertible Mercedes? A wasting corpse. The star athlete with the world as his oyster? A shriveled beggar covered with sores. If you can see them through those eyes, you will not struggle with envy. You will feel exactly what you should feel--great compassion. And hopefully, that compassion will motivate you to reach out, and offer them true prosperity, and true life.

Psalm 73: 23-26

"Yet I am always with you;
You hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Crown Me Lord, Crown Me!

James 1:12

"Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."

1 Corinthians 9:25

"And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown."

Revelation 3:11

"Behold, I am coming quickly! Hold fast what you have, that no one may take your crown."

2 Timothy 4:8

"Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing."

Let me tell you, jewelry is something that I understand. I absolutely love beautiful jewelry. I always notice the jewelry that other women are wearing, and I love to wear it myself. I like the real, expensive kind; and the fun, inexpensive kind. I even have jewelry girlfriends. We always make a point of admiring each other's accessories when we see each other. It is all in good fun, no jealousy of any kind involved.

Less than a year ago, I had my wedding ring reset in a sparkling new setting. When I first picked it up, I was almost ashamed by how extravagant it was. But the jeweler promised me that I would get over that feeling quickly. He was right. I did. Here I am, it has not even been a whole year, and I am already planning ways that I can improve my wedding ring. Yes, the same one that I thought was too much jewelry less than a year ago. Talk about a naturally sinful heart. I don't need a better example than that!

Believe me, I don't consider this something to be proud of. Rather, I am pretty embarrassed to admit it. I do at least realize that no matter how much jewelry I have, it will never be enough to satisfy me, if that is what I am trying to get satisfaction out of.

I figured out a while ago that I was unable to be satisfied by anything but the riches of Christ. God was merciful to me in an odd way. He gave me everything I thought would bring me satisfaction relatively early in my life. And I was still desperately striving for something more. That is, until God decided to get my attention. Now, everything but Christ seems pale and shabby.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I still live in the flesh and am plenty influenced by it. But I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. And I don't want nothin' else but Him.

Even though my earthly jewels will ultimately fail to satisfy, I look forward to the jewelry I have waiting for me in heaven. The kind that you wear on your head. The crown kind. I want to do whatever is necessary in this life to ensure that I will have crowns aplenty in the next. I am not kidding. The thought of spending eternity admiring the crowns on the saints around me, and not being delighted with my own, is appalling!

I'll pay the price, I'll endure the trial, I'll take the test, Lord. I see how fleeting it all is down here anyway. I want my jewels laid up in heaven. Lots of them. Really. Put me to work!

Just One Me

I got a new purse today.

Don't worry, I promise I am going somewhere good with this, just give me a little while to explain. I found a great purse online last week, and it was marked more than half off! Unable to resist such a good deal, I ordered it and have been anxiously awaiting its arrival. It came today at lunch time. I quickly opened the box, removed all of the packaging material and admired my beautiful new purse, all the while congratulating myself on what a steal it was.

Then I saw something sitting in my cubby that got me thinking. My cubby, by the way, is that spot where all of my purses, diaper bags, folders, and kid's backpacks end up when I come into the house. I'm sure you have one too. Unless you are much better organized than I am. In which case, just pretend with me a moment.

Sitting underneath all of the things accumulated in my cubby was a beautiful black leather purse that I have only used one time. Here's the thing; that beautiful black leather purse is a Chanel knockoff that I bought while I was on vacation in NYC this summer. And I hate it. I am too ashamed to carry it. I don't even know why I got it to begin with. I have never in my life wanted a Chanel purse. Even if I could easily afford to buy one, I don't think I would enjoy spending that much money on a bag. I know myself too well. In a few months, I would be tired of it and want something new, no matter how much I had paid for it.

I was excited about it the day I purchased it. But that didn't last very long. On the plane ride home, I saw a group of high-school aged girls all carrying huge "Chanel" purses. It struck me as very vulgar. Then I got home and read an article online about how knockoffs were stealing the intellectual property of someone. Then I "remembered" that knockoffs are in fact illegal and they probably support some underground businesses that I would want nothing to do with. So, suffice it to say, I did not find that "something-for-nothing" deal from Chinatown quite so attractive anymore.

And then it got worse. Suppose someone actually thought it was real. Did I really want anyone to think that I cared about designer labels and status symbols so much that I would spend thousands of dollars on a bag? Um, no.

Don't get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with buying nice things if you can afford them. And there is nothing wrong with having a lot of money. There are plenty of people in the Bible that God blessed with great material wealth: Abraham, Job and Solomon were all very wealthy men.

But I knew that the purse was a fake. And it made me feel cheap and fake to carry it. So I had to decide which was worse; wasting the purse by not carrying it at all, or carrying it and feeling guilty about it. Great choices.

And it illustrated a point that is very relevant to me right now, and I hope is either relevant to you or will be at some point. I have spent a lot of my life pretending to be someone that I am not. I grew up in the church. For much of my life there were two of me, the churchy me and the real me. The churchy me was the persona that I presented to the world when it suited my purposes. The real me was the person that I really was in my heart. She was not a pretty picture. She was full of things like rebellion, jealousy, bitterness, anger, guilt, shame and hatred. But despite being full of these things, she looked pretty good to most of the world. Upon very close inspection, she would not have fooled a person who knew what the real thing looked like. Much like a fake name-brand purse.

But God loved me too much to let me continue my life as a fake. He knew that when He got to work on my angry rebellious heart, He could transform it. And He has. I can say with conviction that the person I now present to the world is the real me, because there is just one me. That is part of the beauty of being filled by God and His mighty grace. I now have the freedom to be who I really am. It is so much more fun to rest in His approval and love, than to try and dash after those things by pleasing the people around me.

So I am going to carry around the real purse that I bought on sale with great satisfaction and pride. And as it would happen, I found a darling college student who works in the nursery at church who said she would love to have the fake Chanel. Hopefully she doesn't have the baggage that I have to go along with it. Pun intended.

Matthew 23:27-28

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men's bones and all uncleanness. Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness."

Psalm 86: 11-13

"Teach me you way, O LORD;
I will walk in Your Truth;
Unite my heart to fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart,
And I will glorify Your name forevermore.
For great is your mercy towards me,
And You have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol."

Psalm 130: 3-8

"If You, Lord, should mark my iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But there is forgiveness with You
That You may be feared.

I will wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
And in His word I do hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
More than those who watch for the morning--
Yes, more than those who watch for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD;
For with the LORD there is mercy,
And with Him is abundant redemption.
And he shall redeem Israel
From all his iniquities."

Amen.