The Children in the City

If you have been reading my most recent posts, you will know that I have found myself in a time of intense healing and freedom from past sins. And since I'm going to be talking about that same subject yet again, I thought I might need to clarify some things, particularly for those of you who know me personally.

You might be tempted to let you imagination run wild and begin speculating about all of the horrendous things that must be lurking in my past. Don't do that. You'd be terribly disappointed anyway. Not that my sins, and the specific sins I have been dealing with, aren't terrible enough. But, the average run of the mill sinner has enough darkness in their heart, and enough bondage and slavery to sin, to scandalize all of us.

The thing is, I spent many, many years quite aware of my sin, but unwilling to treat it as harshly as it deserved to be treated. I took it lightly. I saw it through the lenses of our culture, which is exceedingly tolerant and encouraging of sin. I made excuses. I rationalized. Most of the time, I just plain ol' didn't think about my sin very much.

But when I began to, I was broken hearted. I saw and felt my sinfulness so clearly, it mourned me. It caused me deep grief. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." What I experienced is exactly the kind of mourning that Jesus was referring to. Mourning over the wretchedness of personal sin. The comforting is what comes after you have mourned properly.

So this is what brought me to tears yesterday. The comforting that God gives to us is so abundant, so full and consumingly rich, that we don't really believe it can happen until we've experienced it. We sort of think that, yeah, God can take away our sins, and forgive us of our sins, and then we can look forward to Heaven where we won't suffer from our sins anymore. What I have personally discovered is that God can not only forgive, and take away, and heal, but He can also make us completely whole again in spite of our sin. Praise the LORD. He can literally change us and make us a new creation. It happened to me. It has happened to me. It has really happened to me.

So, in Isaiah 49, in verses 15-21, there is a long description of the way that God is going to restore Israel after she has been devastated because of her sins. You have to read the following verses with a few things in mind to even begin to get a sense of the joy I have experienced. Just so you know, I read every commentary I could find to see if my personal application was somehow universally recognized. It's not, and you should know that. I'm not trying to press any kind of theological point here. I am just trying to express to you the way that these verses spoke to my heart and overwhelmed me with joy.

What you will read is an account of a city that has been devastated by destroyers and "swallowers up." If those two words aren't poetic descriptions of sin, I don't know what are. The children in this devastated city have all been taken away. Think of that as the real, practical consequences of sin. The LORD is then going to reestablish this destroyed city (me!) and fill it with so many children (abundant blessings) that the city is confused and stunned by the amount of children found within its walls.

All of a sudden, the city is so full of children that there isn't even enough room for all of them. That is exactly how I feel. I look around sometimes and think, where did all of this come from LORD? I was such a sinner, I offended you in so many ways. I did every wrong thing in the book. How is it that You could ever bless me like this?

OK, are you ready to read it now? Are you ready to try and understand what got me all worked up (in a good way) yesterday? It's kind of long, but worth the attention.

Isaiah 49: 15-21

"'Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.
Your sons shall make haste;
Your destroyers and those who laid you waste
Shall go away from you.
Lift up your eyes, look around and see;
All these gather together and come to you.
As I live,' says the LORD,
'You shall surely clothe yourself with them all as an ornament,
And bind them on you as a bride does.

For your waste and desolate places,
And the land of your destruction,
Will even now be too small for the inhabitants;
And those who swallowed you up will be far away.
The children you will have,
After you have lost the others,
Will say again in your ears,
'The place is too small for me;
Give me a place where I may dwell.'
Then you will say in your heart,
'Who has begotten these for me,
Since I have lost my children and am desolate,
A captive, and wandering to and fro?
And who has brought these up?
There I was, left alone;
But these, where were they?'"

I suppose I always believed abstractly that God could rebuild people, other people. You know, the ones that needed rebuilding. Not me.

When I finally opened my eyes and did an honest survey of the walls around my city, I saw the devastation. It was there all along. But somehow, I had been skipping around and having picnics in a bomb crater without even realizing it. That honest appraisal was the beginning of the rebuilding process. And it took a while, several years I would say. But one day I looked around again. And there were children stumbling over each other in my streets. Children I didn't deserve, but had anyway. And that, is bringing me to tears all over again.

White As Snow

Isaiah 1:18

"Come now, and let us reason together,
Says the LORD,
Though your sins are like scarlet,
They shall be as white as snow;
Though they are red like crimson,
They shall be as wool."

Have you ever gotten a line from an annoying song stuck in your head, and you just couldn't make it go away? Well, that kind of happened to me last night, except it was this verse from Isaiah that I couldn't get out of my head. Today, I'm pretty sure that I understand why.

I've had an interesting couple of weeks. In 1 Peter 5:8, Satan is described as a roaring lion stalking about, seeking a victim to devour. I think that lion has been hot on my heels of late.

It all has to do with sin, my sin, and my past sin to be exact. If I was still writing this blog in total anonymity, I would give you all the ugly details. But since some of you happen to know me, I think I'll try to stay general here. Besides, all of us struggle with sin of one kind or another, and I think my experience can be applied to all kinds of sin, not just the specific one I happened to declare victory over.

I alluded in an earlier post to some sinful thought patterns that used to plague me. God has really brought about serious change in my thought life. It was not an easy battle. There were a whole bunch of lies that I had to overcome before I could really keep my mind stayed on the truth. And let me tell you, truthful thinking brings more peace to my life than you could possibly imagine. So I am not at all interested in revisiting those untruthful thought patterns. I want to steer as clear of them as possible.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, I found myself in a situation that challenged me in this specific area. I was faced with something that just begged me to indulge in sinful thoughts. I did manage to quiet those thoughts down, but the whole experience served to show me that I still have some work to do.

Now fast forward about a week, and I hit round two of a similar situation. Only a much more intense version of the first go round. I mean, the minute I realized what was going on, the first thing that popped into my head was, "I am under Satanic attack."

If you happen to know me, you will know that I do not typically use dramatic phrases like that. I know some people see spiritual battles every where they turn, and they might in fact be right about that, but I am not someone who spends a lot of time thinking or speaking in terms of spiritual warfare. So in other words, it was some serious testing that I faced. And I knew it.

But about half a second later, I realized that I was getting worked up over nothing. I don't know how else to say this, so I'll just say it the best I can. God threw a situation at me that I have been dreading for a very long time. I used to spend time thinking through a "plan of resistance" in case it ever did happen. And I guess I have been living in victory long enough that God felt like I was ready to face it head on...and come out shining.

Which totally turned the situation on its head. Because as it turned out, it wasn't an attack at all. It was an opportunity for me to celebrate and praise God for how far I have come. I saw up close and in vivid detail that my sin, and the grip it had on me, has indeed been washed as white as snow. What was once a scarlet stain that I carried around in my heart, has become as white as wool.

Not only has my sin been forgiven, but all of the power that it ever had on me has been destroyed.

There is a victory song that King David wrote in 2 Samuel. Several years ago, I took a section of that scripture and read it as a personal declaration of victory over sin. I want you to read the following verses thinking of "enemies" as sin; and of the battle that is described as the very real battle that each of us must face as we deal with our sinful nature. (The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak, right?)

2 Samuel 22: 38-43

"I have pursued my enemies and destroyed them;
Neither did I turn back again till they were destroyed.
And I have destroyed them and wounded them,
So that they could not rise;
They have fallen under my feet.
For You have armed me with strength for the battle
You have subdued under me those who rose against me.
You have also given me the necks of my enemies,
So that I destroyed those who hated me.
They looked, but there was none to save;
Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them.
Then I beat them as fine as the dust of the earth;
I trod them like dirt in the streets,
And I spread them out."

Notice all of the hard work that the warrior (me) has to do in those first verses. Sin, our sin, does not just lie down and go away when we become a Christian. Rather, it is a constant battle that we struggle against, as long as we live. But God is more powerful than our sin: He will give us strength, He will arm us for the battle, He will subdue our enemies under us. And when it is all over, our enemies, our sin, will be as insignificant as dust spread out in the street. I love it. And today, I really understand it in a new way.

Isaiah 43:18-19

"Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?"

I know it LORD, I really know it. Sins like scarlet. White as snow.

Praise the LORD!

I'm off to take a nap, because I am dead tired. I kept waking up last night, afraid that I had overslept and was going to miss the chance to share my testimony.

But I'm also so full of joy that I don't know if I'll be able to fall asleep. Maybe I'll just pray instead. My testimony went really well, even better than I had hoped. I'll have to take some time later and write more about it, but for now...my bed is calling my name.

Thank you to those of you who prayed for me. I know it made a difference.

Even the sparrow

I overslept a little bit this morning. This used to mean that I would be rushed to get everyone in the house ready to get out the door, but now, it means that I have lost a chunk of my personal Bible study time. I hate it when I do that.

So, I sat down at the kitchen table, opened my Bible, glanced at the clock and groaned inside as I realized I probably only had 15 minutes of peace before the whole house woke up and needed my attention. I began to read Psalm 84, what Charles Spurgeon refers to as the "Pearl of the Psalms." I have to agree with him.

Psalm 84:1-2

"How lovely is Your tabernacle
O LORD of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God."

At this point in my reading I get distracted. A tiny sparrow has been spending a great deal of time in the basket of a dying house plant that is sitting on my back porch. (I'm notorious for killing plants, despite coming from a long line of green-thumbed women.) I think this little bird must be building a nest. For some reason this morning, he or she, I can't tell which it is, was just a singin' at the top of its little lungs. I stood up and walked over to one of the windows to get a better look at the joyful little bird. It saw me standing on the other side of the glass, probably less than 4 feet away, and it flew to the table that sits on our back patio to continue its song.

Its beak pointed straight up into the air. Its little tail bobbed with each exuberant chorus. Its chest swelled and the feathers on its back puffed in and out as this tiny creature poured out his joy. It sounded to me like his song declared, "Do you know? Do you know? Do you know?"

I just stood and watched him for a few minutes, enjoying this special close-up glimpse of the beauty of creation. Then I sat back down to continue my reading. Here is exactly what I read in verses 3-4.

"Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may lay her young--
Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
My King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
They will still be praising You."

I was stunned. It really felt like I just got a big wink and grin from God!

The 84th Psalm is deserving of a much more in-depth post, and maybe I'll even get around to writing one, but just for this morning, it was all about that little sparrow, and the treat it seemed God planned just to set my day off on the right course.

Praise Him all creatures here below!

By the way, if you have any similar stories, I'd love to hear them. Just leave me a comment!

Rain, Rain

Psalm 147:7-8

"Sing to the LORD with thanksgiving;
Sing praises on the harp to our God,
Who covers the heavens with clouds,
Who prepares rain for the earth,
Who makes grass to grow on the mountains."

It is pouring here right now. I don't live near Atlanta, but I am in Georgia, and the whole state has been pretty dry. I just checked weather.com, and although it doesn't look like Atlanta is getting any rain, I am thankful for what we are getting in South Georgia.

When I heard the rain start pounding on the roof, I stopped what I was doing and said a prayer of gratitude. I heard a sermon about prayer once that reminded us to pray and thank God when He answers our prayers. For instance, how many times have you prayed and asked God for a safe road trip? When you got to your destination, did you say another prayer of thanks? I've been trying to put that into practice ever since.

Just like living through a literal drought makes me thankful for rain, it is often when I have experienced a spiritual drought that I newly appreciate the manifold blessing given to me by God. I am taken to a place where I must realize all over again, how deep and wide and amazing God's grace is. When I see myself as I am, and when I see God as He is, I am astounded. That He not only accepts me, but loves me and calls me His treasure is beyond my ability to understand.

That is why God's gift of faith is required for us to understand. Because, really, it makes no sense at all from our perspective.

Praise Him!

Praise him! Praise him! Jesus our blessed redeemer!
Sing, O earth, his wonderful love proclaim!
Hail him! Hail him! highest archangels in glory;
strength and honor give to his holy name!

Like a shepherd, Jesus will guard his children,
in his arms he carries them all day long;
Praise him! Praise him! tell of his excellent greatness;
praise him! praise him! ever in joyful song

Praise the LORD! My evening Bible study has doubled since it started (Beth Moore's Breaking Free.) I'm a little concerned that the new members have missed the first 4 weeks of lessons, but I figure God is sovereign in adding them to our number in His time. I am delighted! This was the group that I thought was going to be small!