But Rejoice?

1 Peter 4:12-13

"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning this fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you, but rejoice that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy." (Italics mine)

I've been thinking about the problem of pain lately. Maybe it would be more correct to say the confusion of pain, rather than the problem of it. It seems that every few weeks or so, I am made aware of something that is simply devastating.

Inevitably, when these stories of suffering are related, there is some confusion involved. "Why is this happening?" "What have I done to deserve this?" "Why didn't God answer my fervent prayers in this matter?" "What could I have done to keep this from happening?"

Honestly, I think that this great confusion over pain is a relatively modern phenomenon. We happen to live in a day and age where we are often insulated from the brutal realities of life. I'm thinking mostly of modern Americans, but anyone who lives in a developed part of the world probably qualifies here. We have enough to eat, we live in safe and comfortable structures, we have access to medicine which treats a wide variety of common ailments. Most of our babies survive to adulthood. Most of us expect to reach a ripe old age, after living a healthy and fruitful life.

But even with all of the comforts of our modern society, there are disasters and problems that no technology can prevent. Children are killed in accidents, or born with physical and mental problems. Some children are never born at all. Young people die suddenly or are swept away by incurable diseases before their time. Parents die. Husbands die. People are paralyzed or disfigured. It happens every day to people all around us.

But somehow we have managed to make those things rare enough that they still shock and confuse us. I suspect that in many generations past, difficulty of life was the norm. It didn't confuse people like it does today.

And to compound our confusion, there seems to be a great deal of misinformation in the Christian community about how to deal with suffering and tragedy. I don't know where the idea originated, or when it first began to take root, but we seem to have convinced ourselves that Christians are supposed to be happy and joyful all the time, no matter what is happening to them.

Huh?

If that is true, then why is the Bible full of great men and women of God who poured out pain and anguish and despair and even anger in the pages of Scripture? Has anyone read Psalms lately? David had some very unhappy things to say to God. Off the top of my head I can think of complaints/pain/despair/anger being poured out by: Moses, Elijah, David, Hezekiah, Jeremiah, Hannah and Ezekiel. They weren't walking around with some strange idea that if you knew God your whole life should be a rosy picture show. They lived in reality. And so do we.

I did a little experiment, because I was curious. I tried to look up every time the word "rejoice" occurred in the New Testament. (You should not consider this an exhaustive commentary on rejoicing, this is just a casual observation.) Because I thought, surely there must be some really strong verses that give us reason to think we are supposed to be happy all the time.

In the New King James Version of the New Testament, the word "rejoice" occurs in 42 verses. And in almost every one of them, this rejoicing has to do with rejoicing because of who we are in Christ or what awaits us in the end. The verse at the top of this post is a great example. Peter specifically says, don't be surprised when terrible things happen to you, yes, rejoice that you are able to share in the suffering of Christ, and when His glory is fully revealed, then you will be filled with exceeding joy.

He doesn't tell them to walk around with a serene smile and pretend like nothing bad is happening to them. That would just be weird. Instead, they should remember that there is joy to come, and rejoice in what is to come. No matter what happens in this life, fiery trials and all, then end is decided. And the end is full of exceeding joy. Take comfort in that, rejoice in that!

Please don't divorce yourself from the ability to "weep with those who weep." And never, never accuse someone of not being a "good Christian" because they experience a normal range of human emotion. God created us to feel things, and He knows when we do feel them. We aren't supposed to suppress our natural reactions to disaster and think that this somehow makes us Christ-like. Jesus wept! More than once! Isaiah calls Jesus "a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief!" Hebrews 5:15 tells us that Christ can "sympathize with our weaknesses." He knows. He understands. And He wants us to bring it to him in all of its fullness. That is the only way it can be healed. A doctor can't prescribe a cure for the patient who refuses to come to him. (I'm not suggesting that we are supposed to stay in our deep grief or despair. But why do some people think we can't even experience grief and despair at all?)

I could go on and on about our cultural failings when it comes to grieving. We don't even wear black anymore when someone close to us has died. But lets not make the mistake of applying our culture's mistakes to the church body. Let's give each other room to feel pain, because life is just painful sometimes.

Some Proverbial Wisdom

I've been reading through Proverbs lately. It really isn't well suited to a quick read through. Rather, I think Proverbs should be savored and taken apart slowly. But if I did that, I would never get through the whole thing, much less the whole Bible.

So here for your savory enjoyment are two small sections of Proverbs I want to explore. Not exhaustively, mind you. I wouldn't even begin to think I was qualified to do that. This is just MY little perspective.

Proverbs 25:20

"Like one who takes away a garment in cold weather,
And like vinegar on soda,
Is one who sings songs to a heavy heart."

This is something that we have all been guilty of. Even I have done it, and I know better from personal experience. What I am talking about is that incessant need we have to talk about the "silver lining" in whatever circumstance we or our friends face. You know what I mean. Those sentiments that begin with, "Well, at least....didn't happen." Let me give you a specific example.

When my first child was born, under emergency circumstances, and with some medical complications, people said all kinds of chipper things to me and my husband. I know that they were trying to make us "feel better."

The thing is, we were D-E-V-A-S-T-A-T-E-D. We were shocked and confused and angry and horrified. And it seemed like every which way I turned, some well meaning person was trying to put a smiley face on the situation. I just wanted permission to grieve and be confused. I just wanted a shoulder to cry on. Even those closest to me had a hard time letting me feel sad. Why is that? Why do we feel like it is our responsibility to make people cheer up?

Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."

Look at the words in Proverbs 25:20 again. When we try to sell someone a field of daisies as they are facing something really difficult, we are taking something away from them. We are stealing their coat when the weather is harsh and cold. Not only that, but we stand a pretty good chance of irritating them while we're at it. Kind of like vinegar makes baking soda get all crazy and fizzy. People in pain are not always rational. Its much better to express sincere sympathy, or if your relationship calls for it, just weep right along with them. Resist that urge to cheer them up.

Yes, as Christians we do not grieve as those who are without hope. (1 Thess 4:13) But we still grieve. And when we do, we need our friends to grieve right along with us. What we don't need is someone singing songs at us when we have a heavy heart.

OK, on to the second bit of wisdom.

Proverbs 19:11

"The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger,
And his glory is to overlook a transgression."

Somebody out there needs to be reminded of this. (OK, I need to be reminded too, but lets talk about all of you for a moment!) This proverb is not mean to be applied universally. There are certainly offenses that need to be dealt with. Those aren't the things this verse is talking about. I think this verse is referring to those minor things that really should be overlooked.

So you just remember that, first, you should be slow to get angry. And, second, if you do get mad, it is your GLORY to overlook the transgression. I think you'll appreciate some definitions of the word glory (tipharah.) According to Strong's, tipharah can mean ornament, beauty or majesty.

How about that? You can get prettier by overlooking an offense. Now that is a deal worth closing on every time.

It Shall Not Come Near You

Psalm 91:7

"A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right hand;
But it shall not come near you."

This verse immediately sprung to mind a few weeks ago while I was watching the movie Letters From Iwo Jima with my Dad. Normally, I avoid war movies like the plague, but I love my Dad, and I will usually watch whatever he is watching. I was visiting my parents with the kids, and he said it was a good movie, which it was, but much, much, much too gory and tragic for my usual taste.

There are a few scenes in which soldiers must run across open areas that are being riddled with bullets and explosives. Most of them never get to the other side, but are struck and killed as they attempt to make the crossing. Really, with all of those bullets flying around, it's almost impossible to imagine that any of them would make it across. The scenes were very similar to that scene at the beginning of the movie Saving Private Ryan. Again, a movie I did not particularly want to watch, but this time it was my husband who did.

Look at that verse at the beginning again, "it shall not come near you." What exactly is it that won't come near us? In verses 3-6 it is described this way:

"Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
And from the perilous pestilence.
He shall cover you with His feathers,
And under His wings you shall take refuge;
His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday."

According to those trusty footnotes in my Bible, this Psalm was probably written to describe the realities of life for a soldier at war, who would be in fear of literal arrows and pestilence that might sweep through the camp. But most of us are not in a literal, physical war. We are however, faced with a very real war every day of our lives. A spiritual war.

We are constantly surrounded by arrows and threats of destruction and pestilence. Some of the wars we deal with might seem quite harmless on the surface. That television show that glorifies adultery. That magazine that worships beauty. The music that romanticizes things we should view as evil and corrupt. There are also the threats that we know are dangerous, the kind of thing that catches us off guard and threatens our safety and well being. An unexpected attack of some kind, a loss of job, an illness, the threat of financial ruin. You get the idea.

All of those arrows carry the threat of danger to our spiritual well-being, and in some cases our physical well-being. They are very real.

I Peter 5:8

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour."

But again, back to my original question. What does the scripture mean when it says that "it will not come near you?" This is just my opinion, but I think that scripture taken as a whole bears me out. It does NOT mean that bad things won't happen to you. I know there are people who believe that and even preach that. But, don't they live in the same world that I do? Don't they see very real tragedy and pain in the lives of people around them? Don't they read verses like James 1:2, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,?" What about verses like 1 Peter 4:12, "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;?"

So, I don't think that "it shall not come near you" means we will have a pain and trial-free life. But there are some things that it does mean. In the midst of our spiritual warfare, we are assured of very real help and comfort. God is described as a refuge and fortress in verses 2 and 9. We are told that He will be with us, deliver us and honor us in verse 15. In verse 11 we are told that He will give His angels charge over us, that these angels will keep us and bear us up. All of it is a very descriptive way of saying: We are not alone! God goes with us! He will take care of us! We do not need to be afraid!

The very best of all these victorious promises comes in the last verse, verse 16:

"With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation."

The greatest hope of all, eternal salvation. I believe that is ultimately what is meant when verse 7 says, "it shall not come near you." Eternal death and destruction will not come near us. It won't even get close.

So picture with me that battlefield full of flying bullets and bombs. In a sense, our lives are like a dash across that open field so full of peril. There are trials to endure, temptations to avoid, and even a roaring lion stalking about. (Interestingly, in verse 13, we are told that we will tread upon and trample underfoot the lion. How cool is that little tidbit?) But we can walk through it all with a head held high and a confident stride. We have no doubt about getting safely to the other side. We know that despite the dangers, it will not come near to us who have known the name of the LORD.

Even when the fighting is fierce, when the shrapnel is flying and bullets seem to be grazing our ears, we have the shield of God's truth. We know truth! We do not need to be vulnerable to lies about God, that He doesn't love us, that He won't take care of us, that He will let us slip away from Him in the heat of battle. No, the truth is that we are tucked up under the downy feathers of His all-powerful wing. (verse 4)

Psalm 91:2

"I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress;
My God, in Him I will trust.""

I Will Cry To You

Psalm 61:2-4

"From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings."

Maybe I notice things more when I am sick, or maybe there really is a lot of pain and sorrow going on in the lives of those around me right now. I'm not sure which one it is, but I can hardly think of anyone I know without running straight into a wall of tragedy. It seems like everywhere I turn someone is going through a horrible time. And I don't mean minor ordeals, I'm talking about life shattering situations.

So what do we do with all of this pain and suffering? For the non-believer, I honestly don't know. There is no way to make sense of it. Pretending it isn't happening or somehow doesn't matter will only get you so far. Shutting down your heart and refusing to feel pain only works until the pain strikes directly at the center of your own life. Shaking your fist at God and complaining that life is unfair might make you feel better, but it still leaves you stuck in the same position. Like I said, I honestly don't know what the answer is for the non-believer.

But for the Christian, the answer is very clear. God is in control of the situation. That doesn't mean that there will be some kind of fairy tale ending, at least not in the eyes of the world. Christians still lose children, Christians still go bankrupt, Christians are deserted by their spouses, they lose jobs and homes and health. They get robbed and picked on and treated unfairly. They watch parents lose their mental health, becoming cruel and angry strangers. They see their children suffer with incurable diseases.

Psalm 62:8

"Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."

The only thing that we can do is cry out to God, pour it all out before Him, and trust. Its tempting to do exactly the opposite--to wallow in our situation and stubbornly refuse to seek God for comfort. But if you are a Christian, God promises that there is a higher purpose. He doesn't just put us through misery for the sake of seeing us suffer. No, God always has something good in store for His children.

Psalm 66:10-12

"For You, O God, have tested us;
You have refined us as silver is refined.
You brought us into the net;
You laid affliction on our backs.
You have caused men to ride over our heads;
We went through fire and through water;
But You brought us out to rich fulfillment."

Don't miss something crucial about this passage. It is God who has done these hard things. That may seem hard to swallow, but if it wasn't from God, then that means He was not in control of the situation. So yes, God did put the author through terrible tragedy, but did you see the purpose at the end? Rich fulfillment. My Bible footnotes offer the alternate translation of rich abundance. Either way, that is what God has in store for His children.

So while we are never promised an easy life, we do have two things to hold on to in the midst of difficulty. First, that God will be our refuge and strong tower if we will run to Him. He will shelter us under His wings. Second, that we will emerge from the fire as silver that has been refined, brilliant and shining, purer and more precious than before the refining took place.

And overriding both of those promises is an even more comforting promise. All of this pain and confusion is temporary. In retrospect it will seem like a vapor. Because in eternity we will enjoy perfect happiness, perfect peace, perfect joy, perfect health, pure perfection all around. That is our ending, or rather, our lasting beginning.

Broken In the Pit

Psalm 88:6-9

"You have laid me in the lowest pit,
In darkness, in the depths.
Your wrath lies heavy upon me,
And you have afflicted me with all your waves.
You have put away my acquaintances from me;
You have made me an abomination to them;
I am shut up, and I cannot get out;
My eye wastes away because of affliction."

There is a reason this passage in in the Bible. God knows about brokenness, He understands our despair and disappointment and anger. He knows what it feels like to be betrayed, even by those closest to Him, whom He loved and lived in close fellowship with.

In Isaiah 53, Jesus is described as "A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." He is also called "despised and rejected by men." Why does this matter? And why am I writing about it today? Well, I have a friend of a friend who is going through a terrible time. Her entire life is crumbling before her eyes. People and things that she thought she could rely on have failed her, brutally and personally.

If I am not describing you and your situation right now, well, good, but I think all of us can use some reminding about these things from time to time. Whether we realize it or not, we are surrounded by hurting people. We see smiles every day of our lives that conceal pain and rage and despair. We are all so good at putting on a mask of ease and contentment, but the truth is that many of us are right in the kind of pit described in Psalm 88. The lowest pit, a pit of darkness, depths, and affliction.

And there is nothing in all of the world that can help besides God. People will always fail us. Science and technology, and counselors and friends--will all come up short in the end. Because they do not have any real power to comfort, no real power to heal and remake what is broken. They may provide some brief form of relief, but nothing lasting, nothing true. Only God has the power to heal us, to make us a new creation, to satisfy and deliver us from the pit.

I want you to read these scripture verses, and really dwell on them. They provide THE hope and THE cure. Nothing else will do it. Only God.

Isaiah 54:6-7

"For the LORD has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,"
Says your God.
"For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you."

Its hard to imagine a more brutal rejection than the rejection of a husband. Just the thought of it makes me gasp inside with horror. But it happens, it happens all of the time. It has happened to so many women that I know. But even if a husband has rejected you, God can gather you back up again, and only He can do it with great mercies.

Isaiah 55:1-2

"Ho, Everyone who thirst,
Come to the waters;
And you who have no money,
Come, buy and eat.
Yes, come buy wine and milk
Without money and without price.

Why do you spend your money for what is not bread,
And your wages for what does not satisfy?
Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good
And let your soul delight itself in abundance."

These verses are so powerful. Did you see what they say? Stop wasting yourself and your energies on what does not provide life and satisfaction. We are all guilty of this sometimes--we chase after stale crusts of bread and brackish water. And we chase after them with all of our "money" and all of our "wages," everything that we think we have. But why? When God wants to fill us with rich things, good things, wine and milk, and all for free, for nothing.

Listen to how God's children are described:

Psalm 36:8-9

"They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of your pleasures.
For with you is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light."

Abundant satisfaction, drink from a river of pleasures, life, light, all of these are in store for those who put their trust in the LORD.

So what does all of this have to do with being broken and in a pit? Well, for many people, the pit is where they first begin to search for God. This has largely been the case in my own life. Until I found myself in desperation, I did not think I really needed God all that much. I had managed to run my own life in a somewhat satisfying manner. But life has a way of turning out differently than we expect, of throwing a shock or a surprise at us that we don't welcome. And it often involves a great deal of personal pain. I don't want to minimize pain, I've had enough of it in this life to understand how powerful and crippling pain (or even the possibility of pain) can be. But in the midst of it, in the very worst of it, God cupped my chin in His magnificent hands and gently wiped every tear away. Not because I deserved it, but because He loved me.

He reminded my heart of the promise in Isaiah 43:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you."

He doesn't promise to make the pain go away. Sometimes He might, but that is not what He promises. Instead He promises to be faithful to us, to never leave us, to never forsake us, to be with us always, to love us unconditionally.

Isaiah 54:10

"For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall my covenant of peace be removed,
Says the LORD, who has mercy on you."

Every single thing in this life may fail or disappoint you, even the mountains and the hills are not trustworthy compared to God and His promises. He promises us kindness and peace. Don't miss that last line of the verse: the LORD who has mercy on you. I prefer the NIV translation: the LORD who has compassion for you. Compassion, real compassion, that comes from a man of sorrows, one who is acquainted with grief, one who has felt despised and rejected. That is a Man who can understand, that is a Man you can trust and hold on to.

Don't chase after things that aren't bread. Don't spend your money on things that can't satisfy. Eat what is good-let your soul delight in the richest of fare. Let the LORD gather you up with tender mercies, hold on to Him in the midst of the storm, call out to Him from the bottom of the pit.

I want to show you one more thing, one more passage of scripture, and then I'm going to end this post. I know its a really long one. But I hope it helps someone, someone who needs to hear these things at this exact moment.

If you are the one who is in the pit, the pit that I described at the top of the post, listen to this:

Psalm 40: 1-3

"I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps,
He has put a new song in my mouth--
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD."

Don't stay in the pit. Cry out to God. He will lift you up and set you on firm ground. In fact, He is the only one who can. What better choice do you have?

Way Better Than Sleeping Beauty

We are planning a trip to Disney in the not too far off future. As part of our preparation for the trip, I've been letting my daughter watch some of the classic Walt Disney princess movies. I thought she would enjoy seeing the characters at the park if she had some idea of who they actually were.

I can tell that my "way has been narrowing," by my reaction to these stories that I used to love so much. If there was ever a die-hard princess romance fan, it was me from age 7 to about 14. Yes, really! As a 13 year old I was still enthralled by The Little Mermaid. But as I read The Little Mermaid to my daughter this past week, I was pretty horrified. Ariel blatantly rebels against her father, she keeps a treasured collection of forbidden human items and she seeks out and makes a deal with her father's enemy, the sea witch. At about this point in the story, I'm wondering to my myself: "Why, exactly, is this a character I want my daughter to admire?"

Don 't worry, I'm not a total party pooper. I kept my self righteous indignation to myself. After all, these stories are meant to be fun entertainment, not life lessons. And I loved them as a girl. So I suppose I should let my daughter have her own shot at romantic fantasy. BUT, I think I will gently add a commentary about Ariel's foolish choices, versus what God commands us to do. (Fortunately, I think my daughter is much less attracted to princesses than I was.)

All this to say, that the Bible has much better romantic love stories. And the ones in the Bible really happened, to real women. Some of them even involve princesses. They also involve truth, tension, mystery, suspense, obedience, rebellion, mercy, grace, sin, restoration, etc... In other words, they are way better than Sleeping Beauty!

A perfect case in point. I read through the book of Ruth this past week. What a delightful book! I think it is one of my new favorites. There is so much in those 4 short chapters. I'm not going to sum up the entire book in this one post, and I have written about Ruth and Naomi before.

Instead, let me extract a few of my favorite passages, and flesh them out.

Ruth 1:20-21

"But she said to them, "Do not call me Naomi, call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, and the LORD has brought me home again empty. Why do you call me Naomi, since the LORD has testified against me, and the Almighty has afflicted me?"

A jolt went through me when I read that verse. It captured, in one (well, technically two) sentences, the way I felt after my first child was born. I had left home one morning, expecting a regular day, heavily pregnant. And by that night, my child had been delivered and my arms were empty. She was in the NICU. I had been full, and suddenly I was empty. I felt like the Almighty had afflicted me and dealt bitterly with me.

Whether those emotions were justified or not, that is exactly how I felt for many months. Now, with the perspective of several years, I see that day as the beginning of amazing blessings that the LORD was waiting to pour out on me. But then, I just felt empty, and afflicted.

This whole passage comes into clearer focus if you realize that the name Naomi means "pleasant" and the name Mara means "bitter."

Another powerful verse:

(This happens when Ruth and Boaz first meet, when Boaz extends great kindness to her)

Ruth 2:10

"So she fell on her face, bowed down to the ground, and said to him, "Why have I found favor in your eyes, that you should take notice of me, since I am a foreigner?"

Whoa! Don't you feel like that sometimes when you approach God? I do. Why should God take notice of me? I am a foreigner. In more ways than one. I'm a Gentile, I was born under wrath by nature, I certainly have never done anything that would deserve God's grace. And yet, He has extended it to me, overwhelmingly.

I'm going to share one more verse, this time one that just made me smile. This verse is Naomi speaking to Ruth, after Ruth has gone to Boaz and asked him to become her husband and through her, provide Naomi with an heir (since both of Naomi's own sons had died.) It was the tradition of the day that if a married man died childless, his closest male relation would take the widow as a wife and any children born from their union would be considered the heir of the dead man. Got that? Yeah, I know, it's hard for us 21st century gals to relate.

Ruth 3:18

"Then she said, "Sit still, my daughter, until you know how the matter will turn out; for the man will not rest until he has concluded the matter this day."

That just cracks me up. I think it must have been obvious to Naomi that Boaz was smitten with Ruth. After all, we know that Ruth was lovely, that she was hard working, and that she was well known as a "virtuous woman." Being called a virtuous woman in Ruth's day expressed the same sentiment that was meant when a man was called "a man of great wealth." In other words, it was very high praise indeed. I just love the picture of a smitten Boaz, deliberately setting out to clear the final hurdle that lay between him and claiming Ruth as a wife. If you want the details, Read chapter 4. Boaz was a pretty crafty guy.

And to top off the book of Ruth, we even have a fairy tale ending. Ruth and Boaz get married, and Ruth becomes pregnant with a son, providing Naomi with an heir. The best part of all? Ruth, who started out as a foreigner, a Moabite, gets grafted in to the family line of the King of Kings--Jesus. Wow. Disney ain't got nothin on God.

Nanny

Just a quick post. I have a lot to get done today. My grandmother died last night, and I'm trying to get things done before we go out of town for her funeral. She was old and very sick and we have been expecting her to go for several months now. My mom called me with the news.

I am so sad that she is gone. She was not always an easy woman to be around, but she was a powerful force and her presence will be missed. I know that she loved me very much, and I loved her too. Apparently when I was a toddler, when my parents made the announcement that they were leaving the country to go on the mission field, my grandmother tried to convince them that I should stay in America with her.

I don't know that much about her childhood, except that it was difficult. Her parents were divorced, in a time when divorce was still considered scandalous and disgraceful. Her father married a woman pretty close to her age and lived across the street from my grandmother and her mom. That must have been a tough way to grow up.

When I was in elementary school, and we were back in the states, Nanny lived on a lake. She taught us how to fish one summer. I'll never forget how she demonstrated the perfect way to cast a line. It apparently was perfect, because she pulled in a huge bass on her first cast. We were all delighted, and of course none of the rest of us caught a fish all afternoon!

Nanny loved to garden, and I'm sorry to say that I didn't get any of her green thumb. Even when she moved into an apartment, and left her beloved lake house, her small balcony was filled to overflowing with beautiful plants.

Nanny was a Christian, and I keep wondering what heaven must be like now that she is there. When I got the news that she had died, it had been less than an hour since she went. I tried to think about what she must be experiencing right that moment. But my human imagination failed me. I only know that it must be wonderful, and that she is glad to be released from her frail and suffering body here in this life.

I'm so thankful that I will see her again. And when I do we will both be in glory together.

Farewell Nanny. You taught me a lot about life. I love you. I will miss you. But I know I will see you again.


When peace, like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

O Lord, haste the day, when the faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
the trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.