Big Britches

I have been thinking about my tendency to get "too big for my britches." It's kind of a funny thing, because I work so hard at staying humble and restraining my natural feelings of pride and self-righteousness. I'm not a total failure at doing it, but it appears that for me at least, this is a life long struggle.

Lately I have been thinking about Peter, and his triple denial of Christ. It strikes me that Peter and I might have a few things in common. I'm obviously not the rock upon which Christ has built the church, but personality-wise, me and Peter might be formed alike.

He had a tendency to get too big for his britches too. To put it in gentler terms, he sometimes made grandiose claims in the heat of the moment that he couldn't follow through with later on.

In Luke 22:33, Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, I am ready to go with You, both to prison and to death."

Less than 24 hours later, Peter did just the opposite.

Luke 22: 55-60

"Now when they had kindled a fire in the midst of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat among them. And a certain servant girl, seeing him as he sat by the fire, looked intently at him and said, "This man was also with Him."

But he denied Him, saying, "Woman, I do not know Him."

And after a little while another saw him and said, "You also are of them."

But Peter said, "Man, I am not!"

Then after about an hour had passed, another confidently affirmed, saying, "Surely this fellow also was with Him, for he is a Galilean."

But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are saying!"

The thing is, I have no doubt that when Peter claimed that he would follow Jesus to prison or death, he absolutely meant it. He wasn't saying something that he didn't believe in his heart at that moment. I've done the same thing.

"Lord, I will always be this passionate for Your glory!"

"Lord, I will always seek Your face before anything else in the world!"

"Lord, I will never be distracted from loving and serving You above all else!"

But of course, when life takes an unexpected or disappointing turn, the reality becomes much less glamorous than my momentary exuberance could possibly have expected. And like Peter, I fail to do what I so earnestly claimed I would.

You see, Peter got quite a shock when Jesus was hauled off by that band of thugs in the Garden of Gethsemane. Peter, and all of the disciples, had the wrong idea about Jesus's kingdom and His victory. They were still expecting a great military hero who would overthrow the earthly enemies of Israel and reestablish her as a mighty, victorious nation. Despite the fact that Jesus told the disciples many times that he was going to suffer and die, they just didn't get it.

So when Jesus was in the custody of the high priest, you can imagine that Peter's expectations of going to prison and death with Jesus were turning out a little differently than he thought they would. Maybe Peter thought that he would die in a glorious civil uprising, fighting alongside his Master. Or that they would be thrown into prison together and somehow defy the odds and still emerge as the victors.

But little did Peter imagine, in all of the scenarios he could conjure up, that Jesus was going to blindfolded and beaten, mocked, scorned and spit upon, by the very men Peter imagined that Jesus was going to defeat.

And in the disappointment of this reality, Peter failed. He denied the very One whom he had so passionately claimed he would never deny.

But, you see, there is more to the story than just Peter's failure. Jesus knew ahead of time that Peter was making claims that he wasn't going to fulfill. He saw ahead to Peter's denial of him, and He even told Peter that it was going to happen.

Luke 22:34

"Then He said, I tell you, Peter, the rooster shall not crow this day before you will deny three times that you know me."

And even more than foreseeing the event, Jesus comforted Peter before the denial had even taken place.

Luke 22:31

"And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren." (emphasis mine)

Look at what Jesus says. He has prayed for Peter, and when, not if, but when Peter returns to Him, He will be equipped to strengthen his brethren.

Do you suppose that a man of big-britches claims is very encouraging to a struggling, distraught brethren? I don't tend to think so. I can only imagine that if I were always in a state of big-britches boasting, I wouldn't be very encouraging to my fellow brethren at all. It would be hard to relate to a sister in Christ who is experiencing the real disappointments and pain of life, if I always lived in the place of sheer happiness in the Lord.

You should know, I don't. I go through peaks and valleys in my walk with God. Once, I spent over a year on the mountain top. It was the best year of my life. But I'm afraid that all that high-mountain living brought our some pretty big britches claims from me. I kind of thought that I would always be 'high.' That it was the natural result of my faithfulness and dedication in seeking God.

But in reality, life threw a disappointment at me. Things didn't go as I imagined they would. Like Peter, my expectations of fighting for the Lord turned out differently than I thought. And before long, I ended up in a valley, in a place of denying the very claims I had so boldly made.

God knew I was going to do that. When I was making my big claims, He already knew I was going to fail. But that's OK. He knew I needed some humbling, some ability to relate, some equipping in order to strengthen my brethren. It was for my own good, and hopefully for the good of those around me as well.

I really want to get back to that place of 'highness' with God. There really is nothing better in all of life. If you have ever been there you know what I am talking about. Nothing, nothing, nothing even begins to compare to the delight of that 'place.'

But perhaps I will cherish it all the more next time, knowing that it is a gift not meant to be permanently sustained in this life.

Even Paul, who was temporarily caught up into the ecstasy of Heaven, was given a thorn in his flesh immediately afterward. Maybe a person who is very naturally humble can handle the headiness of God's fullness without getting too big for his or her britches. But I am not that person.

For me, I suspect it must come and go.

It has been 'going' lately. But I am not discouraged. Because I know that Jesus is praying for me, just as He does for all the saints, and the Holy Spirit is making intercessions for me that I cannot even comprehend to ask for myself, since I don't know how to pray as I ought.

And because of those things, my faith will not fail.

The Children in the City

If you have been reading my most recent posts, you will know that I have found myself in a time of intense healing and freedom from past sins. And since I'm going to be talking about that same subject yet again, I thought I might need to clarify some things, particularly for those of you who know me personally.

You might be tempted to let you imagination run wild and begin speculating about all of the horrendous things that must be lurking in my past. Don't do that. You'd be terribly disappointed anyway. Not that my sins, and the specific sins I have been dealing with, aren't terrible enough. But, the average run of the mill sinner has enough darkness in their heart, and enough bondage and slavery to sin, to scandalize all of us.

The thing is, I spent many, many years quite aware of my sin, but unwilling to treat it as harshly as it deserved to be treated. I took it lightly. I saw it through the lenses of our culture, which is exceedingly tolerant and encouraging of sin. I made excuses. I rationalized. Most of the time, I just plain ol' didn't think about my sin very much.

But when I began to, I was broken hearted. I saw and felt my sinfulness so clearly, it mourned me. It caused me deep grief. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." What I experienced is exactly the kind of mourning that Jesus was referring to. Mourning over the wretchedness of personal sin. The comforting is what comes after you have mourned properly.

So this is what brought me to tears yesterday. The comforting that God gives to us is so abundant, so full and consumingly rich, that we don't really believe it can happen until we've experienced it. We sort of think that, yeah, God can take away our sins, and forgive us of our sins, and then we can look forward to Heaven where we won't suffer from our sins anymore. What I have personally discovered is that God can not only forgive, and take away, and heal, but He can also make us completely whole again in spite of our sin. Praise the LORD. He can literally change us and make us a new creation. It happened to me. It has happened to me. It has really happened to me.

So, in Isaiah 49, in verses 15-21, there is a long description of the way that God is going to restore Israel after she has been devastated because of her sins. You have to read the following verses with a few things in mind to even begin to get a sense of the joy I have experienced. Just so you know, I read every commentary I could find to see if my personal application was somehow universally recognized. It's not, and you should know that. I'm not trying to press any kind of theological point here. I am just trying to express to you the way that these verses spoke to my heart and overwhelmed me with joy.

What you will read is an account of a city that has been devastated by destroyers and "swallowers up." If those two words aren't poetic descriptions of sin, I don't know what are. The children in this devastated city have all been taken away. Think of that as the real, practical consequences of sin. The LORD is then going to reestablish this destroyed city (me!) and fill it with so many children (abundant blessings) that the city is confused and stunned by the amount of children found within its walls.

All of a sudden, the city is so full of children that there isn't even enough room for all of them. That is exactly how I feel. I look around sometimes and think, where did all of this come from LORD? I was such a sinner, I offended you in so many ways. I did every wrong thing in the book. How is it that You could ever bless me like this?

OK, are you ready to read it now? Are you ready to try and understand what got me all worked up (in a good way) yesterday? It's kind of long, but worth the attention.

Isaiah 49: 15-21

"'Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.
Your sons shall make haste;
Your destroyers and those who laid you waste
Shall go away from you.
Lift up your eyes, look around and see;
All these gather together and come to you.
As I live,' says the LORD,
'You shall surely clothe yourself with them all as an ornament,
And bind them on you as a bride does.

For your waste and desolate places,
And the land of your destruction,
Will even now be too small for the inhabitants;
And those who swallowed you up will be far away.
The children you will have,
After you have lost the others,
Will say again in your ears,
'The place is too small for me;
Give me a place where I may dwell.'
Then you will say in your heart,
'Who has begotten these for me,
Since I have lost my children and am desolate,
A captive, and wandering to and fro?
And who has brought these up?
There I was, left alone;
But these, where were they?'"

I suppose I always believed abstractly that God could rebuild people, other people. You know, the ones that needed rebuilding. Not me.

When I finally opened my eyes and did an honest survey of the walls around my city, I saw the devastation. It was there all along. But somehow, I had been skipping around and having picnics in a bomb crater without even realizing it. That honest appraisal was the beginning of the rebuilding process. And it took a while, several years I would say. But one day I looked around again. And there were children stumbling over each other in my streets. Children I didn't deserve, but had anyway. And that, is bringing me to tears all over again.

Captivity

Isaiah 5:13

"Therefore my people have gone into captivity,
Because they have no knowledge;
Their honorable men are famished,
And their multitude dried up with thirst."

I have really enjoyed writing this blog. It has affected me in many ways. One thing that I didn't expect was the way other people would open up to me as a result of reading about my experiences. You can't imagine how eye-opening that has been for me. Girls, we all have so many things that we struggle with in private. Not a single one of us is exempt. Just when I start to think that I am the only person in the world who needs so much help, along comes someone else who wants to open up. And I'll cry sometimes and pray. But more than anything, I'll be encouraged to keep plugging along. Because there is a solution, an answer to all of those struggles. The answer is truth, God's truth, exchanged for the lies that this world grinds into our heads.

It really does matter what you believe. I have heard lots of people say things along the lines of, "I don't think it matters what you believe about God (in other words-theology), just as long as you believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins." OK, I get that. Yes, the most basic truth in the Christian faith is important, vitally important. You will never hear me say otherwise. But, listen, the rest matters too. What you believe has a direct impact on how you live your life, how deeply you enjoy God, and your ability to serve Him.

Let me give you an example. I spend some time reading blogs that are written by other women. One blog in particular always makes me cry, because the woman who writes it seems to have gotten more than her fair share of pain in this life. Recently she shared a story of a friend who did not believe that she was saved because she could not forgive someone who hurt her badly.

Would you be able to pinpoint the error in that train of thought? If a friend came crying on your shoulder with that dilemma, could you offer her real comfort? Comfort based on truth?

Yes, truth matters. Understanding the truth of God's written, revealed Word matters. The more I learn about God, through reading the Bible, the more deeply I am affected by Him. You can be a Christian and never bother with learning any more than the basics. But don't you want more than that? Don't you want to actually enjoy the power and promises of God? How would you like to live your life like this:

Isaiah 58:10-11

"Then your light shall dawn in the darkness,
And your darkness shall be as the noonday.
The LORD will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail."

There is nothing I want more! And, there is nothing that I want more for other women. None of us gets to choose how we will serve God, or how He will use us for His glory. God is in complete control of that. But He has given me a passion for one specific thing--to show other Christian women the riches that are supposed to be their's in Christ. Some people have a passion for evangelism, others for hospitality or service. Me? I want to share the deep, abiding joy and passion that I have in Christ, specifically with women who are already Christians.


This statement is not meant to be applied to everyone I know. Forgive me for sounding arrogant if I do, but I see Christians all over the place who suffer from lack of knowledge about God. They are famished, and dried up with thirst just as described in Isaiah 5:13. They have no knowledge, or very little anyway. And do you know what you find every time there is lack of knowledge? Captivity. That is why truth matters. Truth is the only way out of captivity.

Isaiah 61:1

"...He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound..."

Did you know that reading this verse from Isaiah was Jesus first public declaration of who He was and why He came? You can find an account of it in Luke 4:18. Jesus proclaimed liberty. He opened the prison doors. Come on out.

Death Be Not Proud

John Donne's famous poem, Death Be Not Proud, expresses exactly what I have been thinking about all day. Because just as Christ rose from the grave, in a bodily resurrection, so will we all who have faith in Him.

"Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so"

Or how about the Corinthians 15:55?

"O death, where is your sting, O grave where is your victory?"

We spend a lot of time at Easter thinking about Christ's crucifixion and resurrection, and justifiably so. But I'm not sure I have ever heard an Easter sermon that elaborated on the fact that because Jesus rose again from the dead, we will as well. Imagine the comfort of that. Of knowing that your loved one, if he or she belonged to Christ, will rise up in a glorified body one day. Of realizing that even more than ascending to Heaven to be in the presence of God, there will be a time when each of God's children will be given a new incorruptible body that will never die.

1 Corinthians 15:13

"But if there is no resurrection of the dead, neither has Christ been raised."

Stated in the positive, what that verse means is if Christ was resurrected from the dead, than so will we all be resurrected from the dead.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14

"But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus."

Don't be confused by the word sleep in that verse, it is just a way of referring to death that was common among the people who lived at that time.

The point of this blog has never been to frighten people with the prospect of Hell, but I feel like today is an appropriate time to mention the reality of its existence. I'm like most of you. The idea of it makes me very uncomfortable. I feel a strong urge to cover up the stark reality of Hell. It just seems too naked to trot out in polite company sometimes. But you should know that the Bible is explicitly clear about its very real existence.

Matthew 25 talks about God separating the sheep (believers) from the goats (non-believers), and in verse 46, their respective fates are summed up this way.

"And these (the goats) shall go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into everlasting life."

The words in parenthesis are mine.

So as we wind up this Easter weekend, take heart, fellow Christian. Death has been defeated. It has lost its ability to terrorize and consume us. Again in the words of John Donne,

"One short sleep past, we wake eternally
And death shall be no more, death, thou shalt die."

I seriously couldn't have said it better myself.

Even the sparrow

I overslept a little bit this morning. This used to mean that I would be rushed to get everyone in the house ready to get out the door, but now, it means that I have lost a chunk of my personal Bible study time. I hate it when I do that.

So, I sat down at the kitchen table, opened my Bible, glanced at the clock and groaned inside as I realized I probably only had 15 minutes of peace before the whole house woke up and needed my attention. I began to read Psalm 84, what Charles Spurgeon refers to as the "Pearl of the Psalms." I have to agree with him.

Psalm 84:1-2

"How lovely is Your tabernacle
O LORD of hosts!
My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God."

At this point in my reading I get distracted. A tiny sparrow has been spending a great deal of time in the basket of a dying house plant that is sitting on my back porch. (I'm notorious for killing plants, despite coming from a long line of green-thumbed women.) I think this little bird must be building a nest. For some reason this morning, he or she, I can't tell which it is, was just a singin' at the top of its little lungs. I stood up and walked over to one of the windows to get a better look at the joyful little bird. It saw me standing on the other side of the glass, probably less than 4 feet away, and it flew to the table that sits on our back patio to continue its song.

Its beak pointed straight up into the air. Its little tail bobbed with each exuberant chorus. Its chest swelled and the feathers on its back puffed in and out as this tiny creature poured out his joy. It sounded to me like his song declared, "Do you know? Do you know? Do you know?"

I just stood and watched him for a few minutes, enjoying this special close-up glimpse of the beauty of creation. Then I sat back down to continue my reading. Here is exactly what I read in verses 3-4.

"Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may lay her young--
Even Your altars, O LORD of hosts,
My King and my God.
Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
They will still be praising You."

I was stunned. It really felt like I just got a big wink and grin from God!

The 84th Psalm is deserving of a much more in-depth post, and maybe I'll even get around to writing one, but just for this morning, it was all about that little sparrow, and the treat it seemed God planned just to set my day off on the right course.

Praise Him all creatures here below!

By the way, if you have any similar stories, I'd love to hear them. Just leave me a comment!

The God Who Sees

Genesis 16:13

"Then she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, "You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, "Have I also here seen Him who sees me?"

The Hebrew for all those hyphenated words is "El Roi," and it is one of my favorite names of God. El Roi literally means just what it says in the text above, "You Are the God Who Sees." There is only one instance in the Bible where this name occurs, and it is here in Genesis 16. It is Hagar, the mother of Ismael who speaks this name of God into scripture. In fact, it is during this same encounter that God tells Hagar to name the son she is pregnant with Ishmael. The name Ishmael means "Yaweh has been attentive to your humiliation," further highlighting that God is intimately aware of all that has happened to Hagar. He has seen, and He knows.

There are three aspects of El Roi that I like to think about. The first two are personal to me, and the third encompasses the whole world. First, when I think of The God Who Sees, I am reminded that God has seen every single bad thing that has ever happened to me. Just like God proclaimed when He named Ishmael, God has been attentive to every humiliation, every disappointment, every mistreatment or unfair accusation. God has seen all of the "wrong" that has happened to me. And He has seen all of the "wrong" that has happened to you, too. There is nothing that has come into my life, or yours, that God is not totally aware of.

The reason that that matters so much is that I don't have to worry about getting justice for myself. In fact, God doesn't want me to even try. Revenge, and justice, belong to the Judge of all the Universe, God Himself. And who better to execute judgment than the One Who Has Seen? So even if a wrong against me goes unpunished in this life, which is very likely to happen, it will have to be answered for ultimately. (I could do a whole post on how, exactly, all sin will be answered for, and maybe I will, but not today.)

The second aspect of El Roi that concerns me personally is that God has seen all of my sins, all of my failings, all of my dirtiness and unfitness and ugliness. He has seen every bit of it, and He still loves me. He still forgives me. He still looks on the sacrifice of Jesus, and says, "you, Hadassah, are righteous because I have covered you with righteousness." But even better, He LOVES me. He rejoices over me. Isn't that amazing to consider? The creator of the universe rejoices over you! (I have to admit, I have always dreamed of a love song being written for me, and in a sense, one already has been...)

Zephaniah 3:17

"He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."

And finally, I find El Roi both comforting and sometimes troubling when I think of all that happens in this world. God sees everything. He sees the very worst that happens in this life. The things that make me turn off the news because I can't stand to even think about them happening. The horrible, terrible, gross and unfair things that happen to people. God sees all of it, and keeps an account of it all. I find it comforting because I know that God will bring judgment on the perpetrators of all those terrible things. But sometimes, I find it troubling that He lets it continue. There is a part of me that just longs for God to return, to cast the Evil One into the fiery pit and let the righteous reign with Him forever. When I contemplate what God has in store for His children in Heaven, there is nothing in this whole world that is even remotely tempting.

Come soon Lord. Come soon, El Roi.

The law of the LORD is perfect

Psalm 19:7-11

"The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple;
The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes;
The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true and righteous all together.
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb,
Moreover by them your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward."


I went to a very interesting MOPS meeting yesterday. For those of you who might not be familiar with MOPS, it stands for Mother's Of Preschoolers, and it is a quasi-Christian organization that seeks to reach out to, well, mothers of preschool aged children. I say quasi-Christian, because it can be either extremely Christ focused, or extremely world focused, depending on who is attending and what the women in leadership set as priorities. I attend MOPS mainly to encourage other Christian moms, to be encouraged myself by other Christian moms, and because there are plenty of non-Christian moms who come and I love the opportunity to spend time around them in a setting that encourages sharing of truth.

Yesterday was one of the best meetings we have had all year. A pastor's wife spoke to our group about pulling back from the "muchness" of life and focusing on our soul's relationship to God. It lead to some GREAT discussion in the small groups that we split into after she spoke. In my group, we spent some time talking about the "dos" and don'ts" that often seem to be the whole of the Christian faith to those who are outside of it. And sadly, they often seem to be the whole of the Christian faith to those who actually are believers.

Let me try to say this as clearly as I can. The law of the LORD is perfect. God means it when He commands us to live a certain way. He was not kidding or making gentle suggestions when He revealed Himself to mankind through the law, the testimony, the statutes, the commandments, and the judgments that He inspired Holy men to write as Holy Scripture.

BUT--if you stop there, if you make the law your entire Christian experience, you are being robbed of the real joy of knowing and loving God. The law has several very important jobs. One thing it does it point out our sinfulness; when we see the perfection that God has commanded us to, and then we contrast that with our ability to actually achieve that perfection in and of ourselves. The law also provides us with great protection from the natural and unhappy consequences that result from breaking the law. It also serves to illustrate the Holiness of God. It makes for healthy relationships between people. I could go on and on about the greatness and perfection of God's law. Like the Psalmist, I have come to an awareness that makes me want to cry, "Oh, how I love your law!" (Psalm 119:97)

But consider what Paul says in Philippians 3:8

"Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him,"

Do you think that the passion Paul expresses here has anything to do with a list of "dos and don'ts"? Think about what Paul is saying. He has suffered the loss of all things. And guess what else? He counts that loss as rubbish. You can't get much more profound and passionate than that. Imagine saying that. "I have lost everything that I had in this life, and I think all of those things are trash and garbage compared to knowing Christ." Whoa.

Consider what David says about the LORD in Psalm 16: 11

"In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."


Pleasures forevermore. Fullness of joy. Nothing stale or stick-in-the mud about that.

So, are you someone who has reduced the knowing and loving of the Most High God to a list of things to do and things to avoid? Or, are you someone who has always thought of Christianity as a bunch of rules? I really hope not. If you are, get out of the shallow end. The deep end is where all the best stuff is.

Heart of Stone

I have been so anxious to get to my computer all day and get this post up. But it has been one thing after another all morning. So here I am, taking a deep breath, and here we go...

Ezekiel 36:26-27

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them."

Jeremiah 24:7

"Then I will give them a heart to know Me, that I am the LORD, and they shall be my people and I will be their God, for they shall return to me with their whole heart."

If you have been reading this blog, you may have perceived that I can be pretty emotional. Well, that has not always been the case. I feel like I really did have a heart of stone for most of my life. It has only been in the past 4 years that I have learned how to really feel things deeply. I like to say that God has been working on giving me a heart of compassion. But really, compassion is just a part of the whole spectrum of emotions God has placed into my heart.

The process of removing my stone heart and replacing it with one of flesh has been pretty painful for me. But I can see very clearly that if I had not been made to go through some painful experiences I would not have accepted the heart that God had in store for me.

My heart of stone was bound up in such a way that I felt very little emotion at all. That was a very safe way to live my life. I didn't let myself get hurt by very much, and I certainly did not plug into the pain of those around me. But because God loved me enough to pour his grace and overwhelming love into my heart, I am a changed person. I feel thing very deeply. In fact, I like to joke that maybe God has given me a little too much compassion. I find tears welling up in my eyes amazingly often when I am having conversations with other women. Sometimes it really hurts to feel so strongly. I suffer when those I love suffer. I even suffer when I hear about people I barely know suffering.

BUT, the most awesome side effect of all this emotion is the way that scripture has become ALIVE when I read it. I no longer can read the account of Hagar and Ishmael without weeping. Abraham's emotional turmoil as he is preparing to sacrifice Isaac is almost more than I can bear. And today, when I read the account in Matthew about Jesus being betrayed by Judas and then being abandoned by his disciples, I could barely see through my tears to read the words on the page. Jesus loves me that much! And I accuse God of not caring! Woe to my foolish human nature. How I wish I could see things as God does.

And then, I will read something in Psalms, and I will want to explode with joy. The love that I now understand makes me want to jump up and touch the clouds above! Sometimes I'm pretty sure that I could reach them, too! That is how real my joy is.

I was thinking about a hymn that I love last night on the way home from the evening Bible study.

"O for a thousand tongues to sing my great Redeemer's praise!
The glories of my God and King, the triumphs of His grace."

That caught my sentiment exactly. My one little tongue is inadequate to sing the praises of God that flow through my heart. I would need at least a thousand of them to do it justice.

Back to the suffering for a moment. Even that drives me to God for relief. When I see or experience suffering it makes me long for eternity. I know I have expressed that in several posts. I don't know how else to deal with the horrible circumstances that I hear about sometimes. The truth is that man is not created to handle such pain. We were created to glorify God and enjoy eternal fellowship with Him. And because this world is under the curse of sin, it won't happen to us in this earthly existence. But thank the LORD that He loved us enough to create another way to it.

Aside from the personal nature of my new heart, I think that I have begun to see more of what God's heart for us must be like. He looks on our suffering with compassion. He loves us with love so strong that He died on the cross for us. A cold, stony heart cannot begin to comprehend those powerful emotions. But a new heart, one made of flesh, can begin to.

Fountain of Water

John 4:13

"Jesus answered and said to her, "Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life."

I stumbled onto this verse quite by "accident" this morning. Sometimes when I am prompted to look up a verse during my morning Bible Study time, I get interested in it and keep reading. This can mean that sometimes I take twice as long to finish my study as I should, and I also usually take a few interesting detours along the way. But it's lead to some great discoveries.

I used to think that reading the Bible was boring and I could never understand why people would want to spend much time doing it. It is hard for me to even imagine that now. The only thing that gets me to put the Bible down are the demands of my day to day responsibilities. I feel like I can't get enough of it. I know without doubt that it is the work of the Holy Spirit. I thought the verse from John 4 described it so perfectly.

I feel like I have a fountain of water springing up inside of me. It is the greatest feeling I have ever experienced. I can honestly say that I understand the concept of godly jealousy for the first time. I want everyone around me to be filled with fountains of water just like I am. I can't believe that I lived so much of my life without it! What a sad waste of time! But, all of this has come about in me in God's perfect timing.

Not only that, but I know that I would not have been so happy to drink the living water if I had not run around sipping out of other cups for most of my life. Believe me, I know that all those other drinks just leave you thirsty in the end. God graciously allowed me to chase after all the things I thought I needed, only to find that they were all terribly disappointing once I had them. I am so grateful that I learned this lesson relatively early in my life.

This is the way that I experience the Bible now that I am filled with living water. I kept reading past the verse I quoted at the top all the way until the end of John chapter 4. The last story in that chapter deals with Jesus healing the son of a nobleman. The son was deathly ill, and his father sought Jesus out in another town, in order that his son might be healed.

John 4: 49-53

"The nobleman said to Him, "Sir, come down before my child dies!"
Jesus said to him, "Go your way; your son lives." So the man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him, and he went his way. And as he was now going down, his servants met him and told him, saying, "Your son lives!"
Then he inquired of them the hour when he got better. And they said to him, "Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him." So the father knew that it was at the same hour in which Jesus said to him, "Your son lives." And he himself believed, and his whole household."

And then I just started crying. I was just overcome by emotion. Jesus met the physical needs of that man, and he met the spiritual needs of that father and his whole household. God is better to us than we ever deserve. But He loves us so much that He does it anyway.

Let us exalt His name together

Psalm 34:1-4, 8-9, 17-18

"I will bless the LORD at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul shall make its boast in the LORD;
The humble shall hear of it and be glad.

Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.

I sought the LORD, and He heard me,
And delivered me from all my fears.

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good;
Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you His saints!
There is no want to those who fear Him.

The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit."



Now, all those verses may not seem to go together at first glance. You might wonder how having a broken heart and a contrite spirit work alongside phrases such as "taste and see that the LORD is good" and "His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Well, I have an idea about it that I want to share with you. But just as a caution, please see my post entitled Glory to God.

Here is another section of scripture that I think works to illustrate the point I am going to (try to) make. Let me set the scene for you. This comes from Nehemiah chapter 8. The books of Ezra and Nehemiah both deal with the time when the nation of Israel is moving out of captivity and being allowed to return to the promised land. They are trying to reestablish themselves according to God's law, and also rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. After the wall has been built, Ezra calls all of the people together and reads the Law of Moses to them. Remember that before they went into captivity, their society in general had disregarded God and the Law of Moses and engaged in open idolatry. And they have suffered greatly because of it.

Now here they are, trying to do what is commanded of them. They have successfully rebuilt the wall around Jerusalem through much trial, but it is finally done. They are now going to be taught the Law of Moses. Ezra reads it to them.

Nehemiah 8:8-12

So they read distinctly from the book, in the Law of God; and they gave the sense, and helped them to understand the reading. And Nehemiah, who was the governor, and Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, "This day is holy to the Lord your God; do not mourn nor weep." For all the people wept, when they heard the words of the Law. Then he said to them, "Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." So the Levites quieted all the people, saying, "Be still for the day is holy; do not be grieved." And all the people went their way to eat and drink, to send portions and rejoice greatly, because they understood the words that were declared to them."

Did you get it? I can hardly type I am so excited about this. When the people heard the law they wept! Why? Because they understood the words that were declared to them! When they understood God's perfect Law, they understood their great sin. And when they understood their great sin, they wept and grieved. OH! That we may do the same! See our sin, weep and grieve, and come into agreement with God's opinion of it.

But, thankfully, it doesn't end there. What were they commanded to do? Eat and drink and send portions and REJOICE GREATLY! Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength. That is the good news. It hasn't changed in all these thousands of years. We can rejoice greatly because God was merciful to us and allowed us the opportunity to grieve our sins. If he had not graciously revealed them to us, do you think we would see them to begin with? I know I didn't. Sure, I knew that my actions were not according to God's law, I did grow up in the church after all. But it was not until God confronted me personally with my sins that I was able to genuinely grieve over them. To agree with God about how terrible they really were.

And after the grief, then came the joy. The real pure joy. The first of its kind in my life. Not transitory or conditional. But everlasting joy with no end. That is why a broken heart and a contrite spirit go hand in hand with "let us exalt His name together." Broken hearts healed by grace, and joy forevermore. What else could we possibly want?

Isaiah 55:2

"Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare."

For I Know

Job 19:25-27

"For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;
And after my skin is destroyed, this I know,
That in my flesh I shall see my God,
Whom I shall see for myself,
And my eyes shall behold, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!"

Job is a pretty tough book, on a lot of levels. I spent several weeks reading through it this past summer, and even though I was dreading it a little bit, it was so rich. I was dreading it because we all know what happens to Job, and I tend to get emotionally caught up in the plight of the people recorded in the Bible. Plus, even though it is nowhere near as devastating as what happened to Job, I have been through some deep valleys, and it is not usually much fun to start reliving those things. But fortunately, that was not my experience in reading Job. Oh, there were plenty of times when my heart ached for Job's suffering. But my own suffering seemed ridiculous in comparison.

This verse expresses so beautifully the reason that I live with such joy. I really really do. I am not just saying that I live in victory because it is what a Christian is supposed to say. I have real, pure JOY. And it is because I know that my Redeemer lives, that in my flesh I shall see God. The thought of it is enough to break me into pieces because I can hardly stand the beauty and joy of it. I know that makes me a little strange. I get that. And I certainly don't wish to be a weirdo. But I wouldn't trade this joy for anything the world has to offer.

How my heart yearns within me! I yearn for God's perfect creation, the way it was meant to be. I yearn for a new heaven and a new earth. There are things in this present life that I love immensely. My babies and my husband, my friends and family members. But even those things would be better, more perfect and full of joy in heaven. How my heart yearns within me! And it is the knowledge of this eternity that makes today joyful. The hope of things to come.

Philippians 3:7-9

"But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith."