Forgive Us Our Trespasses

Matthew 6:14

"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Mark 11:25

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."


Both of those verses appear in red ink in my Bible. That means that Jesus said them Himself. And if Jesus said them, then they are words straight from the mouth of God.

I don't know about you, but meditating on these two verses is startling to me. I think we sometimes soft pedal the idea of forgiving people. But clearly God is extremely serious about His command that we forgive.

Now when I say that we soft pedal the idea of forgiving people, I don't mean that we don't take the issue of forgiveness seriously. Because I think that most Christians really do try to forgive, and they don't want to hold on to anger, bitterness and resentment. But the reality is that many people are harboring anger and bitterness and resentment. And they have been unable to figure out how to really truly forgive a person who has seriously sinned against them.

I see this all the time in the lives of people that I know. People that I am close to and love deeply. I mean no disrespect to my recently deceased grandmother, but unforgiveness and pride were huge strongholds in her life. To the extent that I literally met a relative I have never laid eyes on before at Nanny's funeral. I don't even know the story of what caused the family rift that alienated my grandmother from a whole branch of her family. Neither does my father. But whatever it was, it was powerful, and she was never willing to forgive.

I can't even tell you how sad that makes me. Nanny was a really neat, strong, dynamic, talented, creative, beautiful woman. But she had anger and bitterness in her heart that had a direct effect on her children, and on me too. I know that she is now glorified and in perfect relationship with God. But her children and grandchildren are here in this life reaping the fruit of her actions. O that God would give me grace to avoid doing the same thing to my children!

I think forgiveness could take up a month of posts, but for today this is what I want to spend some time thinking about: I have only been able to understand forgiveness since I have understood the magnitude of forgiveness that I have received from God. When I consider God's holiness, versus my natural sinfulness, I am almost undone. The idea that He would condescend to love me and forgive me is almost too incredible to believe. I don't see how people can understand this concept and treat it lightly.

When I managed to push aside my natural pride long enough to listen to what God said I really was without His grace being applied to me, I understood forgiveness. How can I hold an account of wrongs done to me when God has wiped my sins against Him completely away?

After all, every sin will be dealt with one of two ways. Either it is a sin that Christ paid for on the cross, or the sin will be paid for by eternal separation from God.

I don't mean to tell any of you that it is easy to forgive another person. I know it isn't easy. I have been there. And struggling with the hurt that people caused me and then stuffing it away and trying to pretend it didn't exist got me nowhere.

I have only ever been able to forgive by meditating on the amazing forgiveness God extended to me. I certainly didn't deserve any forgiveness. My sin is just as wretched as the sin of the person who has offended me. That is a bold statement, but it is true. And when I got it, really got it, the key turned, and forgiveness was released into my heart.

I wish so badly that some of the people I love could understand this concept. I have seen the devastation it is causing in their lives, and many times in the lives of their children. I know that all I can do is pray for these people, and guard against the same thing in my own heart.

Matthew 9:2

"When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, "Son, be of good cheer; your sins are forgiven you."

Nanny

Just a quick post. I have a lot to get done today. My grandmother died last night, and I'm trying to get things done before we go out of town for her funeral. She was old and very sick and we have been expecting her to go for several months now. My mom called me with the news.

I am so sad that she is gone. She was not always an easy woman to be around, but she was a powerful force and her presence will be missed. I know that she loved me very much, and I loved her too. Apparently when I was a toddler, when my parents made the announcement that they were leaving the country to go on the mission field, my grandmother tried to convince them that I should stay in America with her.

I don't know that much about her childhood, except that it was difficult. Her parents were divorced, in a time when divorce was still considered scandalous and disgraceful. Her father married a woman pretty close to her age and lived across the street from my grandmother and her mom. That must have been a tough way to grow up.

When I was in elementary school, and we were back in the states, Nanny lived on a lake. She taught us how to fish one summer. I'll never forget how she demonstrated the perfect way to cast a line. It apparently was perfect, because she pulled in a huge bass on her first cast. We were all delighted, and of course none of the rest of us caught a fish all afternoon!

Nanny loved to garden, and I'm sorry to say that I didn't get any of her green thumb. Even when she moved into an apartment, and left her beloved lake house, her small balcony was filled to overflowing with beautiful plants.

Nanny was a Christian, and I keep wondering what heaven must be like now that she is there. When I got the news that she had died, it had been less than an hour since she went. I tried to think about what she must be experiencing right that moment. But my human imagination failed me. I only know that it must be wonderful, and that she is glad to be released from her frail and suffering body here in this life.

I'm so thankful that I will see her again. And when I do we will both be in glory together.

Farewell Nanny. You taught me a lot about life. I love you. I will miss you. But I know I will see you again.


When peace, like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

O Lord, haste the day, when the faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
the trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

More on Jonah

All that thinking about Jonah last week has borne some interesting fruit. I did a Google search and read through some sermons about Jonah. One sermon described in detail why Jonah was so unhappy about being sent to Nineveh.

Nineveh was an Assyrian city, and the Assyrians were famous for their extreme cruelty. I haven't done any firsthand research of the Assyrians, I am basing this on various sermons I have read, but apparently the Assyrians commonly tortured their enemies, and ruthlessly slaughtered them. Their tactics included skinning people alive and them impaling them on stakes, to be left to die. They also frequently forced their prisoners to witness their own children being burned to death before they were themselves killed. Sounds like a pretty rough group.

So you can begin to imagine why Jonah was more willing to run in the opposite direction than to go and convince the Ninevites to repent. I'd be pretty terrified too. Being skinned alive and impaled on a stake doesn't sound like an inviting prospect.

As I was driving around the other day I spent some time thinking about those Assyrians. Their reputed cruelty struck home with me. I have written before about how I have a hard time dealing with the reality of hell and eternal damnation. Believe me, I know all of the correct theology about this topic. I know that all men in their natural state deserve eternal damnation, and that God is gracious to forgive and accept any of us. All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. There is none who is righteous, none. All men seek only evil continually in their hearts, from the time of birth.

But even knowing all of that, my human logic screams out that HELL IS NOT FAIR!!!!

My problem is that I don't really think that most people are all that bad. Yes, I know the truth. But I don't always really truly believe it. Or at least, I struggle with believing it. The time and generation that I have been born into is mostly made up of good seeming people. I don't have a whole lot of first hand experience with obviously evil people. Sure, I hear about them on the news, I read about them in the paper. But mostly, the people that I come into personal contact with seem pretty nice.

So sometimes I struggle with believing that all men are evil in their hearts. This is where all that thinking about Jonah and the Ninevites comes in to play. God has proved very faithful and patient with me in my struggle with doubt. He always seems to supply a gentle reminder when I need one. It was the Ninevites this time.

I just couldn't stop thinking about their cruelty. It literally made my stomach upset to think about what they did to their prisoners and enemies. The thought of me being skinned alive is pretty repulsive. But my psyche can handle that. What I can't handle is the thought of watching my children being burned to death. The evil and horror of someone deliberately doing that makes me want to vomit.

And as I was thinking about it and feeling sick, I felt like the Holy Spirit was reminding me...that is the evil that lurks in the hearts of men. And despite all of our civilization, refinement and gentility today, we could become the Assyrians tomorrow. Just ask the Germans. Or better yet, ask the Jews.

Romans 3:10-18

"As it is written:

"There is no one who is righteous, not even one;
there is no one who understands,
no one who seeks God.
All have turned away,
they have together become worthless;
there is no one who does good,
not even one."
"Their throats are open graves;
their tongues practice deceit."
"The poison of vipers is on their lips."
"Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness."
"Their feet are swift to shed blood;
ruin and misery mark their ways,
and the way of peace they do not know."
"There is no fear of God before their eyes."

Father, forgive me for setting up my human understanding as the measure of truth. Thank you for all the times you forgive my accusations against You. Lead me in the way everlasting, and remind me that your ways are above my ways, that you are the only truth, the only righteousness, the only salvation, the only goodness that exists. Keep me in the circle of obedience, and give me the gift of faith. Amen.

A Good Example...

...of why it is dangerous to imagine that every whim entering our hearts is the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Just so you know, I really should be cleaning up my kitchen right now. But this sounds like more fun, so I'll load the dishwasher later.

Earlier this week, in the morning Bible Study, I had what I thought was the inspiration of the Spirit. But it proved to be my own imagination. Now, I think that we do get lead by the Spirit at times. And I have had experiences that I believe were divinely set in motion by the hand of God. Not visions or tongues or anything like that. But experiences that, in retrospect, were so unique or unlikely, that I had to chalk it up to divine intervention. But I do not believe that every whim or fancy that passes through my human mind is a direct communication from God.

Here is a great example of why, I think, that would be foolishness.

A woman was sharing the story of a friend's son who had spent a majority of his youth in serious rebellion. He was heavily involved in illegal drugs, and a generally unhappy lifestyle. Part of that lifestyle included having his arms and chest covered with tattoos. He has since completely turned his life around and become a Christian. But because of his tattoos, he must often wear a long sleeve shirt. For example, at his job, the tattoos must be completely covered.

While this woman was speaking, I had an inspired thought. I remembered a sermon I had heard about Jonah, and how his skin was covered with scars as a result of being exposed to the digestive juices inside the whale, or whatever it was, for three days.

We had just been discussing how God will use everything in our lives for His own glory ultimately.

So I thought, AHA! Those tattoos are a testament of the rebellion and sinful lifestyle that God delivered that young man from, just as Jonah's scars were a testament of the rebellion that God had delivered him from. I have to admit, I was pretty proud of my profound connection, and shared it with the entire group.

I even thought that it must have been an idea that was inspired by the Spirit, in just that moment, specifically so that I could share such a profound insight with my Bible Study group.

THEN, on the ride home, I decided that I had better look up the story of old Jonah, and verify that there was in fact some reference to him being covered with scars as a result of being inside the belly of the sea beast. It's a good thing I did. Turns out I imagined the whole thing. Well, maybe imagined is too strong a word.

I did in fact hear a sermon once, where the pastor suggested that it was likely that Jonah would bear some physical scarring as a result of what he had been through. But such an idea was mere speculation, and is in no way indicated by anything that can be found in scripture. I know because I looked. Extensively.

And then I sent out a group email to the entire Bible study group, explaining that I had been mistaken. Because, in the joy of what I thought was the "leading of the Spirit," I had actually claimed that scripture referred to Jonah's scars. It was an honest mistake, really it was. I certainly had no intention of misleading those women. But I did.

I think it is more likely that if the Holy Spirit were involved in that whole scenario in any way, it was by prompting me to go back and look at what the Bible ACTUALLY said. Not what I thought it said.

So that, all two of you who read this blog, is why I think it is best to be very cautious about what we attribute to the Spirit. Sometimes it is just our own human minds getting carried away.

Now, I think my dishwasher is calling my name. Or is that the Holy Spirit?????

Mercy to Job?

James 5:11 "Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord--that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful."

What's that? You call it mercy that he lost his CHILDREN, his possessions, his honor, his health? What kind of crazy mercy is that? I am not sure I like that kind of mercy. I am very sure that I don't want to experience it. But oh yes, mercy it is indeed, and in the end, compassion as well. I can relate. Well, only a tiny little bit. But still, it counts for me because it happened to me.

The day my first child was born, I almost bled to death. Now, I don't mean I lost a little bit of blood and they had to give me a transfusion, and then it took me a little while to get my strength back. No, I really did almost bleed to death. And I would have, it God had not mercifully orchestrated events to unfold exactly as they did.

My child, in utero, also could have bled to death the day she was born. In fact, she did have a blood transfusion.

In retrospect, it was the most merciful thing that God ever ordained for my life. Oh, don't get me wrong. It was a horrible experience. I hope I never go through anything that scary again. And I hope I never have to go through the months that followed again either.

But if I had not been through that day and all of the difficult months that followed, I wouldn't have the manifold blessings that I now have as a direct result of those trials. Yes, a direct result.

Here are some of the gifts that God had in store for me in the years after the birth of my first child:

1. humility
2. a servant's heart
3. compassion for hurting people
4. relevance to other traumatized mothers
5. deep faith
6. love for the Body of Christ
7. a heart of flesh
8. a yearning for heaven
9. hunger and thirst for righteousness
10. endurance for the race set before me

I could go on, but you get the idea. Those fruits did not happen overnight. Oh no, I had to spend months and even years in difficulty before they sprang forth. But it was all worth it. And I see the mercy of God in all of it. Yes, really, mercy.

If God had not gotten my attention, I would probably still be drifting through this life. I wouldn't be filled with purpose and joy and awe and love. God was merciful because He wanted more for me than I was providing for myself. He wanted me to get it, to get Him and how mind-boggling He really is. And unless He had forced me to see those things, I don't think I ever would have.

So yes, God's actions toward Job, and me too, were ultimately mercy.

Hebrews 12:5-7

"And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:

"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?"

The Red Sea and The Cross

Exodus 14:21-22

"Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea; and the LORD caused the sea to go back by a strong east wind all that night, and made the sea into dry land, and the waters were divided. So the children of Israel went into the midst of the sea on the dry ground, and the waters were a wall to them on their right hand and on their left."

Isaiah 50:2

"Is My hand shortened at all that I cannot redeem?
Or have I no power to deliver?
Indeed with my rebuke I dry up the sea"


I had an AHA! moment when I read the verse in Isaiah. This might be an idea that everyone and their brother is already familiar with, but it was a new idea to me.

I think that the parting of the Red Sea serves to point us toward the work that Christ did when He died on the cross. The AHA came specifically because the verse in Isaiah is speaking of redemption along with the drying up of the sea. Let me see if I can explain.

Israel needed to get from point A to point B to escape from slavery and enter into the promised land (or, to be more exact, the path that would lead to the promised land.) But between point A and point B a great obstacle existed. This obstacle was impossible for them to overcome in their own efforts. They didn't have any boats. Not to mention, Pharaoh and a bunch of his henchman were hot on their tails, bent on leading them right back into slavery.

So God intervened and provided a path from point A to point B for Israel. He parted the waters of the Red Sea and the Israelites crossed through on dry land. Talk about an awesome sight! If God had not provided the way, not a single Israelite would have made it to the promised land.

Christ did the same thing for us when He died on the cross. Between us and God an impossible obstacle lay. Our sin. And not one of us could get from point A to point B without a path created by God Himself. All of our best efforts would be miserable failures.

Romans 3:10-12

"As it is written:

There is none righteous, no, not one;
There is none who understands;
There is none who seeks after God.
They have all turned aside;"

In order for us to be redeemed, God had to once again part the sea between Himself and His children. Christ's sacrifice on the cross was the way He chose to stretch out His mighty arm and redeem and deliver us.

I had never seen the connection before last week. I shared it with my evening Bible Study group. They had never made the connection either. I even ran the idea past my former pastor, just to make sure it passed the smell test. He thought it was a fair comparison. I'm certain beyond a shadow of a doubt that I an NOT the first person to make that connection. But I love that it was a discovery I made myself, through the study of God's word, and the inspiration of the Spirit.

I feel like I found the golden Easter Egg!

A Divine Appointment

I kept a divine appointment tonight. It was so obviously a divine appointment that my head is a little swimmy over the whole thing. I have only had this happen to me so obviously one other time. I'll have to post that experience some other time.

I'm going to tell you the whole story of how this divine appointment was set up, because all of the small details that put me in a specific place at a specific time so that the meeting could happen are pretty amazing. This post might end up being kind of long...

My husband came home and asked what was for supper. I had a huge pot of homemade chicken noodle soup in the refrigerator, but it didn't sound appealing to either of us so we decided to go out to eat. Our town has an event called First Friday in the downtown area. Many of the businesses have special offers and stay open late. Lots of people mill around on the streets. It is really fun. We decided to hit one of the new restaurants downtown and then walk around with little ones in a stroller for a while.

Well, I could see trouble as soon as we entered the restaurant where we intended to eat. It was packed and there were only two waitresses, who were running around like chickens with their heads chopped off. We had two small, hungry and unhappy children with us. I tried to convince my husband that we should just leave and go somewhere else. But he wanted to stay. So we did. For 20 minutes. Then we walked out. (I have never walked out of a restaurant before, by the way.)

So we walked to another restaurant, which didn't look nearly as busy. We ordered. Then I got a call on my cell phone. Our home alarm had been set off and the police were on the way to our house. I knew exactly what happened. I forgot to put our dog up, and he had run through the house and set off the alarm. But one of us had to leave the restaurant, go home and disarm the alarm or else our neighbors (and the dog) would be subjected to the ear-piercing sound of our alarm system. Our house is only about 5 minutes from the restaurant we were sitting in, so my husband left me there with the kids and went to take care of the alarm. Then he came back, and the food still had not come!

When he left and came back, he parked our car in a different parking lot. That later proved to be an important detail.

So we finally got our food (45 mins later!) and ate as fast as we could, because I was ready to get home and put the grumpy little ones to bed. But husband still wanted to walk around and see some people before we left downtown, so we did. We stopped and watched a man making a clay pot on a potter's wheel. The children were not nearly as impressed with that as we thought they should be. We stood and listened to a local band for several minutes. Then we decided to head back to the car.

As we were weaving our way through the crowded sidewalk, with a stroller, an old friend stopped us. So we stood and talked for several minutes. Then we continued on to the light at the corner to cross the street and walk the two blocks to where the car was now parked.

I have a habit of smiling at everyone I make eye contact with. I don't do it consciously, it is just part of my disposition. So while we were waiting for the light to change, I smiled at a middle aged woman who was also waiting on the corner. I am going to call her DV, for divine appointment.

DV: Do you happen to be walking back a few blocks to your car? I am feeling a little bit intimidated to walk that way by myself. I don't even know why I came down here tonight. It just seemed kind of strange, but I wanted to come down here.

Me: Yes, our car is in the same direction, you are welcome to walk with us.

DV: (glances toward the sky) Thank you God.

Me: It is amazing how God answers prayer so quickly sometimes, just like that, isn't it?

DV: Oh, yes, all the time.

We smile at each other again.

Me: (as we are crossing the street) You look vaguely familiar to me, but I can't place how I know you.

DV: Yes, you look familiar to me too.

I introduce myself. DV introduces herself. Her name rings a bell in my memory.

Me: Did you used to go to W church?

DV: Yes, I did. Until they told my husband to divorce me.

Me: Oh! (then silent)

At this point DV starts pouring out the story of how she had been in an unhappy marriage, but she loved her husband deeply. He left her, and apparently W church, or someone in leadership there, told him that he should divorce her. She did not want the divorce.

As we continued the walk to our car, she just kept talking about her ex-husband, the church and how the people in it had failed and disappointed her, and how she had learned to rely only on God, and less on people. I felt deeply saddened by her story. She talked about middle age, that she had been married for 25 years before her husband left her, that her husband had remarried two years ago. She was confused because she had always prayed for and desired reconciliation with him. But now he had a new wife and she didn't know what she was supposed to want anymore.


She did say that she had found another church, and was happy in it. She also said that she had recently met with the elders and the new pastor at W church. I don't know what conclusions she drew about the church as it is now, versus the church as it was when she left it several years ago. I told her that we were leaving that church too, but didn't really elaborate on why.

Then we got to our car. Hers was less than 20 feet away. What a coincidence, huh?

I took her hand and told her how glad I was to have met her. She really had just poured her heart out to me. We stood in the parking lot while my husband loaded the kids in the car and kept talking. She asked if she could give me a hug. Of course I gave her a big hug. She said she was sorry for telling me more than she probably should have, and how nice it was to meet me. I looked at her and said, "don't worry about it, don't you think that was exactly what was supposed to happen?" We got in our respective cars and drove off.

Then it struck me as we drove away. If the first restaurant had not been packed, if the second restaurant had not been so slow, if the house alarm had not been set off, if my husband had not driven home and then returned and parked in a different spot, if we had not decided to walk around downtown, if we had not watched the potter making a vase, if we had not listened to the band or stopped and talked to the old friend, we would not have ended up on that street corner at just that exact moment.

But it was a divine appointment, and there was no way we were going to miss it. How cool is that?

This is cool, too. I bet I will see DV again. We live in a smallish town.

*******************************************************

In the past two days, several people have filled me in a little bit more with the story of DV. She has apparently been reached out to and counseled by many people from W church, but has resisted all efforts at reconciliation. I certainly do not know the whole story, nor do I think it is any of my business unless DV wants to tell me about it herself. But one woman who is a member of W church, and who has also been something of a spiritual mother to me personally, told me that I should pray for her. You never know when God is going to step in and change someone's heart.