The Children in the City

If you have been reading my most recent posts, you will know that I have found myself in a time of intense healing and freedom from past sins. And since I'm going to be talking about that same subject yet again, I thought I might need to clarify some things, particularly for those of you who know me personally.

You might be tempted to let you imagination run wild and begin speculating about all of the horrendous things that must be lurking in my past. Don't do that. You'd be terribly disappointed anyway. Not that my sins, and the specific sins I have been dealing with, aren't terrible enough. But, the average run of the mill sinner has enough darkness in their heart, and enough bondage and slavery to sin, to scandalize all of us.

The thing is, I spent many, many years quite aware of my sin, but unwilling to treat it as harshly as it deserved to be treated. I took it lightly. I saw it through the lenses of our culture, which is exceedingly tolerant and encouraging of sin. I made excuses. I rationalized. Most of the time, I just plain ol' didn't think about my sin very much.

But when I began to, I was broken hearted. I saw and felt my sinfulness so clearly, it mourned me. It caused me deep grief. In the sermon on the mount, Jesus says, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." What I experienced is exactly the kind of mourning that Jesus was referring to. Mourning over the wretchedness of personal sin. The comforting is what comes after you have mourned properly.

So this is what brought me to tears yesterday. The comforting that God gives to us is so abundant, so full and consumingly rich, that we don't really believe it can happen until we've experienced it. We sort of think that, yeah, God can take away our sins, and forgive us of our sins, and then we can look forward to Heaven where we won't suffer from our sins anymore. What I have personally discovered is that God can not only forgive, and take away, and heal, but He can also make us completely whole again in spite of our sin. Praise the LORD. He can literally change us and make us a new creation. It happened to me. It has happened to me. It has really happened to me.

So, in Isaiah 49, in verses 15-21, there is a long description of the way that God is going to restore Israel after she has been devastated because of her sins. You have to read the following verses with a few things in mind to even begin to get a sense of the joy I have experienced. Just so you know, I read every commentary I could find to see if my personal application was somehow universally recognized. It's not, and you should know that. I'm not trying to press any kind of theological point here. I am just trying to express to you the way that these verses spoke to my heart and overwhelmed me with joy.

What you will read is an account of a city that has been devastated by destroyers and "swallowers up." If those two words aren't poetic descriptions of sin, I don't know what are. The children in this devastated city have all been taken away. Think of that as the real, practical consequences of sin. The LORD is then going to reestablish this destroyed city (me!) and fill it with so many children (abundant blessings) that the city is confused and stunned by the amount of children found within its walls.

All of a sudden, the city is so full of children that there isn't even enough room for all of them. That is exactly how I feel. I look around sometimes and think, where did all of this come from LORD? I was such a sinner, I offended you in so many ways. I did every wrong thing in the book. How is it that You could ever bless me like this?

OK, are you ready to read it now? Are you ready to try and understand what got me all worked up (in a good way) yesterday? It's kind of long, but worth the attention.

Isaiah 49: 15-21

"'Can a woman forget her nursing child,
And not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me.
Your sons shall make haste;
Your destroyers and those who laid you waste
Shall go away from you.
Lift up your eyes, look around and see;
All these gather together and come to you.
As I live,' says the LORD,
'You shall surely clothe yourself with them all as an ornament,
And bind them on you as a bride does.

For your waste and desolate places,
And the land of your destruction,
Will even now be too small for the inhabitants;
And those who swallowed you up will be far away.
The children you will have,
After you have lost the others,
Will say again in your ears,
'The place is too small for me;
Give me a place where I may dwell.'
Then you will say in your heart,
'Who has begotten these for me,
Since I have lost my children and am desolate,
A captive, and wandering to and fro?
And who has brought these up?
There I was, left alone;
But these, where were they?'"

I suppose I always believed abstractly that God could rebuild people, other people. You know, the ones that needed rebuilding. Not me.

When I finally opened my eyes and did an honest survey of the walls around my city, I saw the devastation. It was there all along. But somehow, I had been skipping around and having picnics in a bomb crater without even realizing it. That honest appraisal was the beginning of the rebuilding process. And it took a while, several years I would say. But one day I looked around again. And there were children stumbling over each other in my streets. Children I didn't deserve, but had anyway. And that, is bringing me to tears all over again.